Is this ok?

[Abittricky]

My ex husband and I were not getting on very well. He had an issue that we didn’t have sex often enough.
He said to me that he had to wait until I was drunk to have sex.
I didn’t remember.
i am struggling to get my head around this.
that isn’t ok behaviour on his part is it?

No.
No part of having sex with you when you are too drunk to consent or remember is ok, and him being your husband in no way makes it any better or more acceptable.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

I did have a drinking problem

I feel like I convinced myself that he was a nice man and maybe he wasn’t

I'm a long time lurker but never posted before.
It's not OK. It's sexual assault. If you're drunk you can't consent. It doesn't matter that you had issues with alcohol.
I'm really sorry that you went through this.

It seems ridiculous. I can’t get my around how that can have happened. At the time I didn’t really see it that way. I think I got it all wrong

Not a one off. I don’t remember any of it. It was a comment he made about how we didn’t have enough sex

100% not ok. 😓 So sorry to hear this. He is not a good man.
Not sure where you can go with this other than to spell out to him clearly and fiercely that that was rape. Your relationship with alcohol has nothing to do with this.
Maybe others will have better ideas,
but its excellent you are no longer with him.

Sending ♥️.

I suggest the reason you feel weird about it is because you know it's not ok. Drunk, asleep or unaware from any reason is not consenting to sex. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's a huge shock when this happens and the realisation of what's happened to you settles in. Be kind to yourself, your drinking wasn't the issue. Your partner taking advantage of you is.

Thank you for your replies. I am not in the situation anymore. I was with the man for 30 years but now I have some distance I am seeing things differently. Just struggling to get things straight in my head and not understanding my own thought processes.

Probably just as well if you don't remember it. Sounds like you've been getting your life in order since, so well done for that. Correct response would be " there's a word for people who have sex with women who are incapable of consent at the time". Then let him think on it.
But on the other hand, why be in communication with him at all. It only serves to upset you by letting him communicate shit like this to you. He's an ex, block him, no chat necessary - I take it by now any DC's are fully grown.
Should your paths ever need to cross because of family situations, refuse to discuss anything marriage related, grey rock him.

our kids are still at home. They live with me. They have very little to do with him
I feel very sad and guilty that it has come to this for them.