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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Work it out or just go on my own ???

1 reply

Secondtimemum24 · 02/08/2024 12:34

I just need some advice

I have just had a baby with my partner of 4 years this is my 4th baby my others are teenagers and this is my only baby with my new partner.
he is estranged from all his family so this baby is the one thing in life he really wanted and one thing he has apart from me and my kids which he loves as his own and he loves baby so much I can see that like the best thing ever!

now to my problem - I don’t feel like he loves me anymore … we argued lots in pregnancy I was always trying to talking about my feelings and they got shut down everytime but I love him and assumed it’s just my hormones. Fast forward to having baby I do everything … every feed every nappy change every bedtime every bathtume … EVERYTHING. He comes home from work I cook for him, do all the washing etc … occasionally he will tidy around the house once I’ve gone to bed with baby.

i just feel fed up I’ve said how this is making me feel but I’m exaggerating. He said I’m miserable … which I can understand I may look it but the only time I’m miserable is with him.

we haven’t had sex in a year.
don’t really kiss or hug anymore he just doesn’t seem to want me - however he says I’m crazy why is he here if he doesn’t want me … my opinion is he’s only here for baby and my kids ….

i dunno I just feel like I don’t know if I can carry on like this but then if we break up he’s going to want baby a few days a week and then I won’t be with her which makes me sad ….
Help

OP posts:
Rubyredlegs · 02/08/2024 13:52

Communication seems to be major problem. You're not Communicating your needs to him, help out with the baby, cook sometimes, be more affectionate with you etc. The lack of sex for a year would worry me, especially if it was regular pre baby.

Maybe it's time for an honest discussion with him. Be sure to pick your timing right though. Don't pounce the minute hes home from work.

Do you go out together as a couple, no kids? Could you get family or a sitter one night? Ask him where he sees your relationship going...
He just may be too comfortable to even notice there's a potential problem brewing.

Don't be taken for granted.
Communication is your best pal!

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