30 and needing some friends

[Beautyintheeyes]

Hey everyone,

looking for some friendships as over the last 4 years I’ve changed completely from the person I once was and because of that my whole friendship group has changed and I’ve been feeling pretty lonely. I use to go out all the time drinking, partying, smoking etc always the first to somewhere and always the last person, and I think because of that I was always the friend that would be out or up for being out. But since I met my husband and Covid I changed completely, it made me reflect so deeply that I wanted to be a better version of myself and so I did, I stopped binge drinking (took time) and I completely stopped smoking. Now I don’t get fomo in fact I get jomo! Since because a new version on myself I did get heavy anxiety which is strange since I tapped into the side of my there I never knew was there, I read, I moved from London to countryside for a peaceful life trading in for long walks, fields, and coffees but since moving here finding friends is still so difficult. I do work from home so that doesn’t help but I go out and about in the town often and never seem to see anyone my age without children. That’s another story but I’m also on a TTC journey which has been a year and I’ve just been told I have a low egg reserve so that’s been weighting on me.

Anyway I’m looking for some like minded women, I don’t like surface level friendships, I love the deep and meaningful but not expect to meet up every weekend?

Hi op would you do a hobby. It def got me out of house. We meet for the odd cinema or coffee. My friend in a choir they always out. Hard if its not a hobby to see them as otherwise I wouldnt see people (walking)

Deep meaningful friendships don't come from meeting up every now and again or 'catching up'. If you want more than surface level, in my experience you have to share more together. Really invite somebody into your life.

I have friends but really feel the lack of a close friendship with someone on the same wave length as me. Someone who shares my politics, morals, sense of humour and culture. Someone similar enough to recommend books/podcast/music etc I know I am not so unique that those people are not out there, but I don't meet them where I live.

I do have one friend just like this from childhood but our contact is sporadic as they are so busy and we live very far away, and I want to replicate that with someone who has more time to invest in the friendship.

I do have children, but they are school age so I don't spend all my time doing child centric things like you have to when they are infants. Feel free to message me to see if we are a match. I also recently discovered there is a friendship meeting app similar to a dating app, I downloaded it recently but I haven't made a profile yet. It is called BFF I think, Bumble for friends, you can filter it to people with or without children, nationwide or local etc

I would add that all my friendships are either from people I met back in my drinking/pre family days OR from work. Work friends tend to be the closest even though we are so different, and I know that is because you really have the chance to get to know people when you see them day in and day out, and I like that it means finding unlikely friendships with people you wouldn't expect to be friends with initially, though I still lack that need for shared interests. Would you consider changing jobs for something in person?

I suffer with anxiety, so when I’ve had friends that have been like come out every weekend and I’ve mentally had a bad week then that’s not been great for me, which is why I reference it as there is definitely different types of friendships much like have a partner.

I feel similar. My good friends have moved away or had kids, so it does feel like I'd like some new friends. I like drinking and smoking though so I might not be your type?! I like to talk quite regularly but am not very good at meeting up as I can't predict how well I am from day to day.

I can resonate with this OP, I have mild GAD, manageable most weeks but sometimes get the odd bad few days. I've also changed over the years and have found what I look for in friends or a friend now is much different these days. Please PM if you fancy a chat and a new friend 🧡

Thank you 🙏 I feel some people find me to either not be the friend they want or just keep me at arms like due to anxiety as it’s crippling but I try my up most best to be better each day just miss connection with more people so definitely up for new friends!

I felt similar some time ago, moving from city to country, going through divorce and rediscovering myself etc. My close female friends were having babies etc and we lived very different lives, or they had emigrated and my friendships were texting. Lots of male friends but I missed that female dynamic.

Work - can you go in in person sometimes? Or is there anyone you chat to online that lives near you that you like? Any team days out? More general work networking events/ anyone that you can relate to on LinkedIn? For example I found out that one of my industry peers lives in the nxt village and we meet regularly.

Life - do you do any exercise classes/ member of any clubs/ hobbies? I did tennis for a while in a small group and that was good, now I do swimming, and have met cool friends from both. I'm also a member of a country club with events etc but appreciate it's not for everyone. Women's walking groups from social media are good, too, apparently.

And then funny enough Bumble BFF. Don't knock it! It can be good rurally as it'll attract women similar to yourself that aren't part of the mum tribe. I've made at least 2 good friends through it that live within 10 miles. Just be careful as like anything online it'll attract weirdos, too.