Anyone else feel this way

[Mumofonexo]

So I had my baby nearly a year ago. I had a terrible traumatic birth that left me with a 3rd degree tear as well as an episiotomy. It’s taken me months not to be in pain or feel uncomfortable. I feel completely mutilated down there now. I’m lucky my husband hasn’t pestered me for sex. But the thing is I now have absolutely 0 interest and the thought of being touched makes me feel physically sick.
truth be told I don’t really enjoy it anyway and could happily go without for the rest of my life.
Is this normal after childbirth?

No to be blunt. However I don’t think it’s childbirth itself that’s the problem it’s the trauma of the physical injury and recovery.

I think therapy is what you need. Sorry you’ve gone through this.

Nah you’re just being honest and thank you.

Im also on anti depressants so I guess that doesn’t help the situation.

Im petrified of getting pregnant again even on the pill and the gp is unwilling to offer a referral for my husband to get the snip so soon after having our first baby.

Are you breastfeeding? I think it’s normal, well it was for me after all three of my children, to have zero libido while breastfeeding. As you say, to the point it was more like an aversion.

Hey no I’m not breastfeeding, bubs wouldn’t latch and I got offered no support with it. I tried for the first few weeks but he got so used to the bottle 🥲

also I think I’m just so tired! Like I’m the one that basically does everything for our son and around the house and organises our lives. I just don’t think I have anything left in the tank to be honest.

I would say just be kind to yourself and give yourself time. I had a third degree year with my son and lots of stitches, long agonising recovery and zero interest in sex for at least year afterwards because of the negative associations.

I also said I would never go through that again. But after three years I had healed mentally and physically and really wanted another baby. My daughter is now 6 months old and because of my fear over another tear, the midwives were really great and protective of the area to avoid tearing and second time I had just one tiny tear.

Please don’t think of yourself as either normal or not normal. It’s a horrible and painful and traumatising experience and you need to heal. When you’re ready maybe ask the hospital for your notes to read and process what happened during your birth. Speak to a counsellor if comfortable doing so too. Everything is so overwhelming already when they’re tiny that you need to be careful you’re paying enough attention to you too.

Thank you for your reply 🩷 I’m sorry you got a third degree too it’s so painful!
I had forceps so I think why’s why I tore. A c section has been recommended if I have another child because the scar tissue is so weak another tear could cause FI and I would need a stoma bag.

Every time I go to an appointment I keep being asked if I’ve had sex.. I’m starting to think maybe there’s something wrong with me because they act shocked when I say no.
I know our bits aren’t pretty but due to having multiple scars down there now I feel horrendous about my body.

Im permanently tired and have postnatal depression because of the birth. My baby has all my attention so I have nothing left for anyone else.

Honestly, sex is so much about mental wellbeing, confidence, being attracted to your partner for what he does for you to help as well as physical attraction and just having time and energy to feel in the mood that I’m not surprised you don’t want it.

If you’re suffering from postnatal depression, your partner doesn’t help or give you a break and you have confidence issues around your scars, those all need to be overcome and you may feel more in the mood.

Nobody wants to have sex with someone who never gives them a break and uses them as a free baby raising service!

I feel like you are the only person who actually gets it!

Everyone else is making out like there’s something wrong with me..