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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Not sure about this guy

17 replies

etalocohCtoH · 01/08/2024 20:59

Met this guy on online. We chatted for a few weeks and finally agreed to meet up. First date was really nice. Made me feel quite comfortable not the usual nerves or anything. We both have kids from previous relationships. He separated about a year ago. We agreed to meet up for a second date and in all honesty i wasn't so keen closer to the day. Before we met we were chatting and he mentioned something relating to financial settlement he had to make. He wasn’t asking me for money fyi.
I almost cancelled the second date as i just wasn't too keen, not because of the conversation. But when we met up it reminded me why I actually met up with him the first time. He comes across as a really nice guy. By the end of the week of the second date, he made reference to money he had to spend due to a sad unforeseen incident that happened. Again he wasn’t asking me for money. He has a good job and earns a decent, okay salary. I don’t know why, but i sometimes feel he might be dropping the finance/money statements hoping I’d suggest to help? Or maybe it’s just me being too cautious and he's just having a conversation.
Should i be worried or maybe see how things go and not make assumptions.

OP posts:
Mog65 · 01/08/2024 21:29

Don't make assumptions. But if you're not keen, that's a huge red flag on its own. Maybe give it a miss

cupcaske123 · 01/08/2024 21:31

It's difficult to know because your post is quite vague. He might be saying that these difficult circumstances means he'll be skint for a while and won't be able to do much.

Titouenk · 01/08/2024 21:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

MounjaroUser · 01/08/2024 21:37

What exactly did he say and what preceded it?

savethatkitty · 01/08/2024 21:39

It's hard to say. Maybe he's embarrassed and is trying to discreetly say he'll be skint for a bit. Or maybe he's hoping you'll offer to help or foot the bills for the dates. Either way, for me, mentioning talk of money so soon isn't attractive.

Sunshineafterthehail · 01/08/2024 21:41

Maybe he is spelling out he is careful with his money. As a necessity..

seensome · 01/08/2024 21:41

I think it's a hint he won't be able to afford too much dating.

frozendaisy · 01/08/2024 21:41

Sorry but his finances are his problem and his business.

Talking like this after one/two DATES is just weird.

How did you respond?

I would be "erm OK, but your finances are of no interest to me"

C1N1C · 01/08/2024 21:44

Did you ask him about his salary?... you said he earns an OK amount, so someone must have brought it up

Waasitwroong · 01/08/2024 21:50

I wouldn't be discussing finances after two dates, unless he is e.g. an NHS worker/teacher, where salary scales are published so you are able to take an educated guess.

Id tread with caution but definitely don't get too financially involved at this point in time.

SamW98 · 01/08/2024 21:53

I find it a bit strange to be talking about finances on the 1/2 date. I can think of a million other conversations I’d be having before that came up.

How was the subject raised?

Howtobekind · 01/08/2024 22:00

I do think it is a good idea to trust your instincts.

ElleintheWoods · 01/08/2024 22:06

Just sounds like you aren't interested in him - I mean, you weren't excited about 2nd date?! Surely if you are seeing someone romantically, your mindset should be more 'wow, I can't wait for this'?

Plenty of nice guys around, that's not really an argument to date someone, or well, it wouldn't be for me. Sounds a bit more like you get on great and enjoy talking, but do you actually fancy him?

etalocohCtoH · 01/08/2024 22:18

Thanks to all who responded. I appreciate. So the first mention about finance came up when he was talking about his training session at the gym and how it was a a bit slow due to being tired. Asked if the tiredness was work related as he’s been working on a project for a while now. He then proceeded to state that he's been tired lately, woke up early that morning and tossed around in bed for a while, and then mentioned that he needed to start preparing for “the financial settlement”. I guess to do with his divorce. I asked when it was due and he said later this year. As i didn’t know how to respond, i said he’s still got time…😄 i wasn't sure what to say.

OP posts:
cupcaske123 · 01/08/2024 22:19

So he can't sleep as he's thinking about finalising the divorce and the work that entails?

etalocohCtoH · 01/08/2024 22:20

C1N1C · 01/08/2024 21:44

Did you ask him about his salary?... you said he earns an OK amount, so someone must have brought it up

No i didn’t, omg, no! I dont feel comfortable talking about people’s earnings especially not with someone i just met. He actually mentioned it in passing while we were talking on the second date.

OP posts:
etalocohCtoH · 01/08/2024 22:26

cupcaske123 · 01/08/2024 22:19

So he can't sleep as he's thinking about finalising the divorce and the work that entails?

Something like that was what i thought. Like it was bothering him. I did not continue that conversation as it’s none of my business. I’ve heard so much stories from people irl and here on MN that has made me extra cautious

OP posts:
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