viagra- come and talk about it please!

[bluearsefly]

Right ladies, have namechanged before anyone starts chanting "troll"!

Dh and i have been together 9 years, he is older than me at 49 (i am in my thirties) and has some health issues which means he has to take a lot of medication.

Our sex life has always been active ( at least a few times a week if not more) we have five children, most recent born in december- all was well on the sex front- back at it after a few weeks. Admittedly we had stared to fall into a bit of a rut- it was always the same thing/same position etc but it wasn't something i worried about.

unbeknown to me dh visited the doctor a while back and came back with viagra- he took it the following night without telling me and we did have a great evening he told me about this a few nights ago and took another tablet- it turned me right off.

It just felt like i should have known there was a problem, he should have been able to talk to me about it and i know i shouldn't think it but it made me feel like i wasn't turning him on anymore- wasn't having the effect i used to have on him!

stupid and irrational, but its really eating me up- i know some of you will have experience of viagra so tell me how you felt and if you came to terms with it- at the moment i don't even want to contemplate sex!

My dh has had to use Viagra since he broke his back. I didn't know when I first met him, and it was a huge thing for him to tell me, but he did quite early on in relationship. In fact when he was building up to telling me I thought it was something really serious, like cancer or that he was married, so I almost laughed when it came out. I didn't feel unsexy because of it, but perhaps that was because we were still at the honeymoon stage ...

I think the problem here is that your dh hasn't been entirely honest with you from the start -- but bear in mind it is a huge deal for a man to go to the doctor and ask for help in this area, and he may have wanted to see whether it worked without telling you, IYSWIM. And clearly he cares enough about yr relationship to want it to work.

I would talk this through with your DH -- you need to be clear in your head that he still loves and fancies you.

Then I can tell you all the good news

If it's down to age and all of the medication he is on - then why shouldn't he take something to give him that extra 'boost'? Yes he should have talked to you first, but it can be an embarassing thing for most men. To admit they're having erection problems to their partner, and possibly have them think that it's their fault..? I can see his reasoning for not telling you, although i'm not 100% agreeing with it.

Sit down with him and tell him how it's made you feel, if you haven't already. But at the end of the day, if you reall turned him off or didn't have that affect on him anymore, I doubt very much he would have made the effort to see his doctor. Would you rather you didn't have sex until he managed to maintain an erection naturally?

i cant really explain why it put me off so much- i think because we were still having sex regularly and i was oblivious to the fact he felt there was a problem- more about the fact that i hadn't known and dh must have felt unable to talk about it than the actual taking viagra! iyswim

just me getting neurotic and paranoid i think- maybe its time for me to face my demons as well!!

I don't think you're being neurotic or paranoid. It's quite a shock for you to find this out, and a natural reaction to think 'he needs it because he doesn't fancy me anymore'.

You should explain how it's made you feel, and ask him why he went about it as he did. And possibly you're entitled to give him a gentle thump for not discussing it with you first!

thanks ladies- we talked last night. He didn't want to talk about it because he didn't want me to think he's old and past it, and secondly he felt that as i am younger if i did think that then i might get bored eventually and stray

We reasured each other that we love each other, fancy each other and don't feel that our relationship is based purely on sex, that seemed to take a lot of pressure off

then we had a bottle of wine and had some fun without the viagra he's decided that when he takes it again we will talk first (i did tell him that the sexual marathon that followed after the first taking of viagra was not always on the menu- so we've decided to carry on as usual without the viagra but if we fancy a marathon he will take a little blue tablet )

so he's pleased because he now knows that i don't want him to be as hard as a baseball bat ALL the time and i feel better because he only wanted to enhance things a bit- no major problems- still loves and fancies me etc etc etc

great news

avoid what I've done a few times, say yes! to marathon ...

and be snoring when dh returns from bathroom

now that's something i can see happening at some point! it seems like such a nice idea- until you get into that warm cosy soft bed and........... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........!!!

feeling much more positive about it today! and a lot more lovey-dovey, couldn't stop hugging him this morning!

Equally, don't feel you have to perform if you've gone off the idea and he's popped the pill (it usually takes about an hour to work). I used to feel terribly guilty (the waste! the price! oh, and I guess he must be feeling a bit poor lamb) but it's bound to happen a few times. Hopefully he'll understand!

we seem to have got back on track- however we are both more affectionate all of a sudden and are being more spontaneous! i feel ok with the whole viagra thing now- i realise he was more worried that it bothered me!!

dh was only given 4 tablets- how many do docs allow per week iyswim- we have only used 2 in 3 weeks so its not an everyday occurance but dh doen't want to seem too keen and go back asking for more!

tbh I'm not sure. DH just has a repeat prescription that he gets whenever he needs. But we certainly don't use it more than twice a week

Probably the doctor just wanted to give him a few to see how well it worked, and is expecting your dh to make a follow-up appointment -- which I would encourage.