Ex husbands girlfriend causing issues

[Edge86]

I have suspicions that my ex husband’s girlfriend is stalking me going to my boyfriends and to work. They have no reason to know where my current boyfriend lives, however my ex husband pointed out to my children that they knew that he lived on the street he does. I felt like someone was watching me the other night going to the shop then the next day my children told me that.

she has always tried causing issues between me and my ex husband regarding the children ( he has them for me to be able to work, 3/4 days a week) she has told him that he should only have them once or twice a week, like normal dads. Which caused an argument between me and my ex husband because I have to work to provide for my children. He pays no maintenance at all and doesn’t work. She has said there’s no reason I should be staying at my boyfriends during those 3 days and he should only have them during my working hours. She has said that I need to cut my hours because it’s not fair on their life.

I feel that I can’t go out to my boyfriend because she has someone watching me. Sending my anxiety through the roof. I will now only go out if I have my children with me.

Am I being unreasonable about approaching the subject with my ex husband? i dont feel comfortable sending messages because i know hell only screenshot them and send them to her.

Any advice on what I can do? Thank you

Why does your ex husband not work to provide for his kids? If he wants to have his kids less then he needs to get a job and contribute.

He says it’s all because of his mental health.
Hes never contributed since we split 3 year ago, I said Id have to go through child maintenance route and got a message from her to tell me I was threatening him.

This is exactly what happens when you don't have a parenting plan. You get manipulated and intimidated and you don't have a leg to stand on.

I'm really sorry that your ex is useless and that his girlfriend is a bit psycho. But you're going to have to grow some thick skin and stand up for yourself.
Get a visitation and custody schedule in place, get child maintenance up and running. There's no reason why that shouldn't have happened already.
Stop caring about their opinion of you. Block her, there's no reason why she needs to be able to contact you directly. All communication should either go through your ex, and only communication about the children is acceptable and relevant at this point.
Come on, stop letting them bully you!

He should be having them 50% of the time if he’s not contributing. I would be wary of him having them any more than that in case he tried to claim maintenance from you.
I have no idea how to tackle the partner, she sounds unhinged. What does she expect him to do with his time if he’s not caring for his kids and not working?
maybe block her?

Log everything. Everything she says, everything the kids tell you, any communications from your ex or her that tells you how you should be living your life and what you can or can’t do. Log it in a diary that you keep specifically for this purpose. Once you have built up a fair amount of evidence, report her to the police for harassment. You need to be able to show a pattern of behaviour. Keep screenshots of all communication that talks directly about how you should be living your life and also note it in your diary. Then contact your local police and make a complaint. If she keeps doing it, rep reporting it and then go to court to get a non mol order.

And don’t let them stop you going to your boyfriends whenever you like. They have no right to try and tell you how to live your life. Your life is none of their business. Keep doing what you would normally because if they think their intimidation is working they will keep doing it.

Have you got a lives with order? If either of them think on they could keep the dc over 50%and claim cms from you..... No order you can't get them back.... Doesn't cost much to get one I believe...

If you’ve still got this message, keep it for your records as it shows intimidation and harassment. Also,CMS are utter garbage and because he’s I assume on benefits, the amount they would make him pay would be a pittance. It would be something ridiculous like £7 a week or something. I know abusive guys who literally quit their jobs or get the sack so they can claim benefits in order to not pay child maintenance. It’s sick.

This is exactly what has happened I think because he’s said in the past if I go to claim maintenance he’ll just quit his job!

I keep all messages from them both and can see I have never replied to one message from her.

That’s good. Don’t. She has no reason to be contacting you. I would report her if she’s sent you lots of messages despite you not interacting with her. That’s clear unwanted harassment. Contact 101 and ask to speak to a domestic abuse trained officer. This is post separation abuse. Do you mind me asking if your ex was abusive during your relationship?

This is a form of post separation abuse because he is using the children to control you and financially abuse you and the children.

Not physically. Emotionally and financially, it’s taken me 3 years to start feeling like my old self again. As friends and family have said they noticed a massive difference in me. My current boyfriend is so patient with me and I’m treated like a princess, he’s proud to show me off and treats me with so much respect that I never had so that’s still something I feel very weary of but I’m slowly trying to overcome my insecurities.

Emotional and financial abuse is still abuse. Sometimes it takes even longer to recover from. Emotional abuse in insidious and really psychologically damaging. It sounds to me like he is using his new gf as his flying monkey and she will likely be doing what she can to try and please him. He likely has her insecure about you and will have told her a whole story about what a terrible person you are. Not that that excuses her behaviour. I think you should seek the help of an IDVA. You might also want to speak to paladin if you feel they are stalking you.

https://safelives.org.uk/about-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-response-in-the-uk/

https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/

Thank you so much, I will get in contact with them. Since my children told me that he knew where my boyfriend lives it’s been awful. The only way he’d know where it was by someone following me.

I really hope you get the support you need. This is abuse, it’s wrong and you do not deserve it. Document everything and make sure you get an IDVA to support you with the police, etc. Def report everything once you have got an IDVA on board. What they’re doing is illegal and they should face consequences. Hammer them.