I'd just like a bit of an outside perspective of my situation please. I have been with my partner for a long time and have had a really hard relationship. We recently got back together after a while apart. We don't live together but do have children together. I did think things would be better this time as we are in our late 30s and thought we were more mature and able to navigate our relationship in a healthier way but I am starting to feel my self esteem chip away. My partner speaks to me in a very disrespectful way everything I do feels wrong. I recently went to pride and because I had glitter and bright colours he told me I was promoting something disgusting amd basically shouldn't be gping. This ended up making me feel awful before I even got there. Then he picked me up and was really ignorant to my friends which again made me feel awful. It is my birthday in 2 weeks and I was meant to be going away with him but he has changed his mind which really upset me but it isn't the first time. We never do anything together at all, despite me asking all the time. Even when I go abroad I take the kids on my own he wont go. So for my birthday I've decided to do a bottomless brunch as it is also my best friends bday a week later. I told him tonight and he told me I ruined last weekend as I went to pride and said he isn't happy I want to go out again. I work full time and look after our kids, our youngest is 10 and eldest 18 so they are older now I have a bit more freedom and I dont stay out to ridiculous times or anything. I told him it is controlling and he said he stands on all he is saying. I said but we never go out or do anything am I meant to just have no social life at all? I feel anxious if I get invited out now because I know how he will react to me. He has also started commenting again on what I wear I had cycling shorts and a t shirt on the other day and he asked me if im actually wearing that out. I felt very self conscious after his comments. I've been to counselling and he tells me I have issues but I genuinely feel.like I try my absolute best by him to make this work with little in return. I dont feel I can be my happy free spirit self as he judges me or puts me down again. I dont know what to do, I want him to change but he refuses to acknowledge anything he does. He will tell me to stfu or fk myself and calls me a bitch regularly. I have asked him to come to counselling but he refuses and says I am the one with the issues. I keep trying but it is affecting my mental health and self esteem I am not sure if he is doing this on purpose to control me or if he is oblivious to his actions