I don’t even know where to start with this. We have two children aged 4 and 3. Both in creche, we both work full time in very good jobs which are quite demanding but fine. Children definitely come first, we collect them early spend our evenings and mornings devoted to them during the week and weekends 6am to 7pm full on one on one family time. We live in an area which has the most expensive childcare fees in the country and it is a lot every month to pay for two but manageable I guess. High cost of living but have always been comfortable. I took a full year out with each from work on maternity leave, one during lockdown and they were my world during that time, rarely had time “off” or time to myself, walked everywhere and that was my only outlet but I did do a lot of online shopping to almost treat myself for the long hours and no time? . Long story short came back to work, full salary. I said to my husband I would save X amount every month and send it to him to build up a fund for moving house to a less developed area in a few years. Some months I didn’t transfer full amount because I had hospital bills or consultant fees or other items to cover, eg new bed for toddler, holidays in the country etc. I don’t save anything Outside of this or save the bare minimum. We haven’t had a holiday abroad in six years since pre lockdown and agreed to go next Summer. I’ve been suggesting some places and have found some great deals and flights and suddenly today my husband asked me how I was going to pay for it. I have always contributed 50/50 to everything to do with our house apart from saving. We have basically the same salary. He saves more than I do and saves for our children. I saw red because he raised the issue of my agreeing to save X amount and then not doing it consistently every month. He has never raised it before but then mentioned that he pays extra for things like fuel for car sometimes or insurance and now it seems as if he has become resentful of this.
I have now said I want everything 50/50 but until the children finish creche I am not comfortable trying to save more than I am and that’s it my salary and how I direct it after all household bills etc are paid now is down to me. I want to live a little and have a holiday and enjoy our time with them not just exist. I also tend to buy them more of their clothes and toys etc which I thought balanced out things like fuel. it seems as if he has been keeping score almost and sees saving as the most important thing outside of trying to enjoy what we have while they are little. Our marriage has suffered so much since having them that I feel as if this is just the latest in a long line of hurts or misunderstandings or resentments between us. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here but how do most people approach these issues or achieve balance?