No

[Kittykatkate83]

Recently been seeing a guy for about three months. It's going really well, no issues and we spend a lot of time together, really starting to get closer.
But this weekend I don't have my children and he said let's have a BBQ and you can invite some friends over....but the only issue is I don't have friends. Not the type to invite over for a BBQ. I was in a 12 year relationship before him and the couple friends I had all dispersed when the relationship broke down. It was also a very controlling relationship and I didn't have a social life. I've never had a big group of friends like most people, I don't have friends from school or clusters of friends. My best friend turned her back on me last year when I was going through a tough time when my mum was on end of life care. My other friend has moved away. I have work friends, the odd person I message (two individual male friends one from when I was 17 so an old friend and the other is a school parent 15 years my junior) I feel like calling the whole thing off because I'm embarrassed and I can't give him the social life he had before me. My life is literally children, work, repeat. No one comes round apart from my dad. I've been waiting for this situation to pop up. I think he expects me to have groups of friends like other women do. I've led such a sheltered life. Never been to a festival, a concert, anything really. I talk to a lot of people on school run, get on well with a few women but I don't feel like it's at a sociable 'come over for a BBQ' type friendship.
I think I should end it before he realises how pathetic I am at 40 years old with no friends

I don't think you should end a good relationship just because you don't have friends. I lost what I thought were my friends during divorce, another has recently found a man and the other chose to dislike something that I hadn't actually said. So I dont have any either and the man I'm with is ok with that as he values me more, than me having friends. Your explanation about why you dont have any is fine. Just tell him as a passing comment and suggest something else to do at the same time.

Op, you are not defined by your friendship groups or lack thereof. Your boyfriend likes you for you, so stop overthinking this. Tell him the truth and you can take it from there.

I'm aware of a few couples where one partner has more friends than the other - it's pretty common and what often happens is that over time the friendship becomes shared with the other partner. Developing new friendships can be daunting but have you considered inviting couple of the acquaintances you have to the BBQ - nothing ventured, nothing gained. At the worst they'll decline the invitation but they are likely to view the invitation positively and your new partner will understand if people aren't available (it is school summer holidays after all when a lot of people will be away).

The new relationship sounds like its going really well and would be a shame to end it prematurely over this anxiety. Perhaps you can open up to your new partner on this too - if he's a keeper he'll be considerate and understanding - you have nothing to be ashamed/embarrassed about.

Not having friends to invite to a party does not make you pathetic. It is quite common at different phases of one's life, in your case, after divorce. Why do you assume that your man is expecting some fantasy social life or for you to have plenty of friends? Please don't give up on a loving relationship for the sake of your insecurities. Instead be honest about things, it takes a lot to be vulnerable and it might bring you both closer.

Just tell him - “as part of the divorce settlement he got the friends”.

You say you have a friend who has moved away - so that is easily explained too. I assume he’s got friends he’s planning to invite so perhaps they’ll bring partners and you can start building a social circle?

Agree with others OP, just be honest.

I don't have any friends that I could invite over for a BBQ like that either, haven't been to a festival, never invited to a hen do and my supposed best friend stopped talking to me last year because I couldn't attend an event

I will be 40 next year. You are not alone and any man worth his salt will understand.

As PP has said, maybe he will bring some friends and you can form a social group that way

Oh I totally sympathise with you.
I'm always embarrassed by my lack of friends.
BUT. As others pp have said you are not defined by how many friends you have. Your value is you. And what you bring to this relationship is you as a person in your own right. Not by any hangers on. So if he likes you, if he values you, not bringing any friends shouldn't matter a hoot. You are a complete package.

No don't , I could have wrote that, just tell him what you've said here and be honest, trust me.
I felt the same I do have one bestie and people I see now and again and hardly any family either , just be honest he's not dating you for your friends and he won't know if you don't tell him.

If he likes you, he'll still like you with or without bbq friends, trust me on this. You'll be fine and don't worry, lots of people find it hard to make and keep friends in the busy child raising and working years.

It’s really hard dating with kids so if you’ve found someone you like and it’s going well then just be honest with them. If they are right for you then they’ll understand. If they don’t then nothing lost.