In this scenario the female part of a couple has 1 teen and works shifts as a nurse plus runs her own business on a very small scale.
The male part of the couple has 2 kids on set days 50/50.
When the children's mum decides to change days he changes days even when he has plans with the woman he is in a relationship with. He doesn't ask if it's ok or if it fits with what she is doing.
So she got annoyed about it roughly 3 weeks ago as they had plans for a day out. He rang her and invited him to do something with him and his kids instead. For various reasons she couldn't do that and needed a hand with something that he had agreed to do on the day out.
He was really annoyed that she was annoyed with him for changing plans, there were a couple of other occasions not just this one. He basically said that he had worked hard to get a good job with lots of flexibility and so he wouldn't be tied to plans.
She has said she will try and go with this but it's much harder for her than for other people to chop and change plans as she works set shifts so can only do things on certain days. He won't look at her shift pattern because he says he has enough to organise in his life without worrying about that.
Last night they were going to spend the evening together just the two of them. Last possible time for another week. He text to say his plans had changed and he now had the kids.
She text back and said ok but we won't be able to spend any time alone for the next week then as you have the kids on my only nights off.
He said he would ring her and didn't so she rang him 15 minutes before she was meant to be going round to see if she should still go round or not. She can go round when the child is there it's just a different vibe. He said you can still pop in for a cup of tea or I will meet you at the pub but he also made it clear he was had had an extremely busy day at work. (His busy day is working 6 hrs so it's not what I would call busy but fair enough he was tired). So she said you seem busy and stressed so I'll leave the cup of tea and shall we just do it another time? He said yes ok.
She is now not sure if she is being unreasonable hating the fact that he cancels/ changes plans without giving her any consideration when it's already difficult to see each other due to shifts and he won't consider her or the shifts she has to work.
I'm not sure what to tell her (as I usually go out with abusive men so who knows what is normal.)
I think it's possibly just a personality clash. She is a single mum and shift worker so needs to plan and finds it rude when people cancel/ change plans for no good reason.
He is self employed with lots of flexibility and he has his kids 50/50 but not really as his mum helps him a lot so he is used to a more chilled out life in general and doesn't feel the need to plan/ stick to plans.
She then has to try and plan around what he is doing or they wouldn't see each other. They know can't see each other until Monday. They have been together 3 years which is why she thinks he should prioritise her after his kids and not accommodate the ex parter when there is no good reason and they have already made plans.