How to look attractive, dressing for dates…?

[Justthinkingfornow]

Sorry for the rubbish thread title. I don’t know if this is one for style and beauty or relationships.

I haven’t dated in years but I am thinking a little about trying.

I was out with friends last week and thinking about how they dress up… tight dresses, glam make up, heels etc. they look lovely and get lots of attention but its not a look I find attractive and it’s not a look I would do.

My other friends don’t dress like that but they are married and settled and although they look lovely they aren’t on the dating scene.

Is that dressed up grown up look expected when dating?

What’s your style? Mine is a kind of rock chick/festival lite/hippy vibe and I’d feel ridiculous in a tight dress and heels, but acknowledge that my friend looks stunning in them. So I’d say wear what makes you feel and look great to you. For me that probably means something like a longish black dress, chunky black sandals, and a denim or linen jacket, some silver or gold jewellery (or pearls - I love vintage pearls), big hair and red lips. If someone doesn’t like me looking like that then they’re not the man for me.

Work on finding your style and then make the best of yourself.

Browsing Pinterest fashion or magazines can be helpful to find looks that you like. For example :

-Jeans heels and nice top

-Summer dress, Birkenstocks and denim jacket

-Chic, classy, officey

-bohemian, sandals, floaty

Once you've found the look you like, go shopping and find some clothes in this style that you feel good in.

Then work on the foundations- you! ... Hair, skin, fake tan (if that's your thing) etc...

Good luck!!!

Thanks. So maybe just what I like wearing style wise (which is very similar to what you describe @BananaLambo) but a new item might feel good. New moisturiser or similar might feel good too.
i suppose men and women I’m attracted too wouldn’t necessarily want me to be in the tight dress and heels etc... Although I’m not sure with men, I think maybe all men like it! And I guess it has more “sex appeal” that what I would wear.

Be natural and yourself. If your profile pics are heels and hot pants wear that. If it's jeans and walking boots, wear that. If it's a Boden dress, wear that! If you're comfortable you will more likely be yourself and be more relaxed.

People have swiped as they like the pics so will also like the style you convey. Plus, if it does lead to anything you want that person to like you for you and not a fake image.

Just be slightly more spruced up than normal, you still want to appear natural not like you're about to go clubbing, unless that's your plan! go for a day time date if it's less pressure. A coffee or to a quiet pub.

As I’m 55 if I turned up for a date in a Lycra dress and heels I think the word mutton might spring to mind.

Though seriously you do you. Feeling comfortable goes a long way. My go to outfit is usually a midi dress and trainers - I’m not wearing heels for anyone!! I do wear make up but not heavy and I just wash and straighten my hair / presentable, scrubbed up and well groomed but not OTT. I think that’s the best balance - a presentable version of you.

I think glams with heels are so overused that you may get attention on the street but won't be remembered. The key is to be comfortable and find something flattering your body, remember what style get you complements and try to replicate that look. Will also help if you have something to help start a conversation, eg funky hat, sunglasses etc.

If you're dating men, the vast majority care more about the woman in the clothes than the clothes themselves, which is why the tight dresses get attention because they show the shape of the woman. To be as attractive as possible you could pick clothes that 'flatter' ie show off your best features and disguise the ones you like the least. Or you could just pick things you like and not worry about what they think. What you don't need to do unless you're dating young and/or image conscious men, is put a lot of effort into clothes. Your face, hair and overall appearance will be what will be noted.

If someone doesn’t like me looking like that, then they’re not the man for me

This is it in a nutshell.

I was a supergoth in my youth. Now probably 'gothlite'. I still crimp my hair on occasion, and generally wear a black dress (not tight - no one needs to see that! 😉) and 14 hole docs to go out. If someone isn't interested in me looking like that, they're not going to be interested in me full stop.

My partner (of 3 years) is similar. He still wears docs, really old t shirts of really old punk bands and has a mohican.

Neither of us would be everyone's cup of tea but that doesn't matter.

I don’t wear much make up nowadays but always wear dresses that flatter my shape. That's far more important if you want to look 'attractive'. As is feeling comfortable in your own skin and style rather than trying to emulate someone else's.

Although I’m not sure with men, I think maybe all men like it! And I guess it has more “sex appeal” that what I would wear.

All men notice it. As someone else said, women dress like that because it accentuates their body and their womanliness. It doesn’t mean all men want a woman who dresses like that.

When women present themselves in a very sexualised way that is how men view them. Women know exactly what they're doing when they do this and it'll certainly get attention but it won't necessarily result in a relationship.

And, tbh, I tend to consider not being surrounded by lustful men on a night out to he a blessing rather than a curse!

I think there are colours and styles that the majority of men tend to notice or like, as they catch the eye or emphasise parts of the female figure.

If I had to put money on it, from my own experience I would pick:

White, light pink or light blue tops or dresses
A belt or something emphasising the waist
A full skirt, flaring out from the waist
Jeans that fit really well, with a dainty top
A light coloured winter hat (not much help right now!)
Any dress that emphasises the waist.
Capri or 7/8 trousers as these emphasise the waist and bum

I know this all sounds a bit fifties but I think it works.

Natural, authentic and genuine for me.

“And, tbh, I tend to consider not being surrounded by lustful men on a night out to he a blessing rather than a curse!” @GreyCarpet that is pretty much what I was thinking! Which led to me thinking maybe I need to get my head around a sexualised version of being attractive. That maybe that’s how it all starts if looking to date. Which then puts me off.

Good to read comments and remember maybe there’s no need trying to be other than myself.

Wear what makes you feel happy and confident. Trying to dress up as anyone else will just make you feel self-conscious.

Just be the best version of you!

Tbh I’d say don’t overthink it. Half the men turn up on first dates looking like they’ve slept in a skip

Though I’ve had the other extreme where a guy arrived for a 3pm afternoon coffee/drinks date wearing a 3 piece suit, tie and pocket handkerchief

I’m hoping he came from work - or that was a really unusual choice!!

How old are you and what kind of dates do you plan to go to? I tend to work my early dates around working hours, so can just turn up looking smart without extra effort.

I'd just say be yourself and embrace the best of your natural style, don't dress up as something you're not. It can be a fun way to experiment with fashion.

Sadly no - it was his choice to impress apparently.

Just to add he was also wearing blue mirror sunglasses that looked like the ones that cost 5 euros from the looky looky man on Benidorm beach.

The date was a disaster funnily enough 🤣