Friend in desperate need. Advice needed.

[Jen86K]

I’m at my wits end about someone I know who I’m desperate to help and am hoping someone here may be able to advise on how to move forward. For now, I’ll refer to my friend as ‘Ann’. She’s 22 years old.

From a young age, Ann suffered years of abuse from her father until she and her mother were eventually moved to a safe house in another district. Ann’s mother is an alcoholic and drug addict and literally takes all of Ann’s wages every month to spend on her habit. The home is a mess and is a terribly unstable and reckless environment with unknown men regularly making appearances inside the house during the night, sometimes resulting in police visits due to violence and anti-social behaviour.

The problem Ann has is she severely lacks in self-confidence in is scared of moving out because it’ll mean her mother (and brother) will lose their benefits and home (Ann is classed as her mum’s carer). And so she stays and puts up with this awful situation every single day.

It’s utterly heartbreaking to see her sometimes as I’m desperate to help but just don’t know what to do.

If anyone is able to offer any advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you so much.

All you can do is help her when she is ready to leave

Are social services aware of this situation?

Ann is old enough to leave so she should. I wouldn't give her mother a second thought. What's the brother situation? Age, job capability

@leeverarch I don't believe SS are aware but am not 100%.
@Doggymummar Brother works and isn't bothered. Likely involved in the drug taking.

Doesn't make sense. Why would her mum and brother lose the house and benefits if she moves out? Why does Ane hand over all her money? Has a needs assessment been done? What services are involved? How old is the brother?

If she moves out, then what is preventing the brother from becoming her carer, so she can continue to receive whatever benefit it is.

Your friend is being financially and emotionally abused. How is the mother obtaining her money from her?

@leeverarch the mother has forced Ann into paying her wages into her bank account. Basically, Ann is terrified of upsetting her mother after years of emotional and physical abuse. She is not strong enough to say F U and walk out. Hence why I'm desperate to help.

No amount of help or advice will be of use unless she walks away. I'm sure her mother and brother cloak their own benefits, they won't lose their home.

Oh no. If that really is the case, then I can't help wondering whether this is a police matter, particularly since there is physical abuse as well. She has been forced to have her wages paid into her mother's account for how long?

Your poor friend. She needs help in escaping from this abuse, doesn't she?

@leeverarch thank you. Yes it's truly awful.
@Kelly51 I think there's an issue regarding the benefits because they're in a safe house and Ann is classed as her mother's carer. I don't know the precise ins and outs but it's something along those lines.

Ann needs to open a new bank account and get her wages paid into it, not her mother's.

She doesn't have to continue to be her mother's carer if she doesn't want to. She was probably forced into that as well.

What do you mean, a safe house, and why does that rely on your friend being the nominated carer? If she is a named carer, then there must be some official involvement somewhere.