How do you know when it’s over

[Dontbenasty]

If you don’t fancy them anymore…do you leave?
im mid 50’s, living in their house because he wouldn’t live in my marital home despite Tiny mortgage. Now mortgage has gone through roof here and he wants to downsize and for me to put 1/3 in despite huge difference in salary. (X10) We both have the same amount (saved) to put in. I’m getting cold feet as the new house is in a very quiet place, he works shifts and I spend a lot of time on my own..missing events, weddings on my own,
gatherings on my own all this over 8 years!! He’s kind but I fear the spark has gone. I’m scared to be on my own. Even start again at my age. Please be kind. Very hormonal

Leave as he's trying to force you into something. Not fancying him is the least of your problems.

You're not happy. Leave. That's the be all and end all of it

It's a big enough step to take when things are hellish, I can understand why you're so fragile even if it's not that bad. But listen to those cold feet, it's much easier to end it now than once any new place that he wants is bought.

You say you're scared to be on your own but you're already doing a lot on your own. Is that because of his work shifts or because he doesn't want to go to these events?

Do you need to start again? Take time to be on your own, if you choose to end the relationship, and see what happens. This thread is worth a read if you're looking for something to occupy you while you're having a nice cup of tea and a biscuit https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5031100-a-true-definition-of-single-and-why-it-kicks-ass?page=1

Why just leave, if you have invested years in a relationship and moved in together, why not work at it first to see if it can work?

You don't want to move there.
Why isn't this a discussion?
What happened to the tiny mortgage house? Why did you agree to move to his?
Why are you missing these events?

You need to build a life of your own ❤️

What he's asking financially would be a red flag for me. Especially as you have given up your marital home and nearly being mortgage free.

It sounds like you're unhappy and spending a lot of time alone which is not what you want, and the spark is gone. Do you think it could be reignited? Would you want it to be?

Given both factors I would lean towards ending it or at least refusing the move at this point, you will end up financially worse off.

I think the fact that you're asking means that, in your heart, you know. I'm 54 and have just separated from my husband. I think I knew 5 years ago that it was over, for various reasons including him being very self-centred. But we were just about to buy a house in a new place, and I talked myself into believing that it would all be better once we had moved and were more settled. It wasn't. I should have listened to my inner voice 5 years ago. And you should listen to yours. Wishing you a happy future, even if it's not the one you expected.