Help me understand DPs depression please

[happyhearts]

I've been with my partner nearly 3 years and he really is the most wonderful man in every way and I can't say a bad word about him.

6 Months ago he inexplicably went cold and after alot of confusion and talking to others I realised he was depressed and we worked through it. At the time I believed it was a one off that had been triggered by an event at the time.

Fast forward 6 months and it has happened again - I could kind of feel him sinking and low and behold he has pretty much totally withdrawn.

This time i have also hung back and am really upset. I want to be there for him but he obviously just wants to be alone. We don't live together and not heard from him for a week (we normally don't go more than a few hours without being in touch)

Will he realise at some point what has happened and what he has done?

i think you have posted about this before?

Do you have children?

We both have older children but we don't have children together. I searched for depression thread but couldn't really find one. I did post before and everyone said another woman but I know realise it is pretty much definitely not that (I know you can never say never though) but I really want to understand the depression from his point of view if that makes sense. But not sure I will jump in this time to help as he hasn't helped himself.

so you started dating him 18 months ago according to another thread.

Back in Feb he zoned you out

and now he’s doing it again

and you have children (teenage in guessing?)

why do this to yourself and your children op

This website and stories on here are very helpful OP

www.tapatalk.com/groups/depressionfalloutmessageboard/

yes - but I realised he was depressed, it wasn't another woman and I was glad that I helped him last time because we have always been such great friends.
ut yes sadly seems to have happened again. I would like to understand the depression side of it really not peoples opinions on him IYKWIM

If he hasn't helped himself, assuming you have suggested seeing his GP, you should walk. If he hasn't helped himself, why should you?

i thought you met OLD?!

exactly

Everybody is different, one person's depression will be totally different to another's.

so what did he actually do to address the depression? counselling? meds? any change at all? or just cross fingers and hope for the best?

@user1471886287 thank you!

Exactly he hasn't done anything. I did make loads of suggestions and guess I had hoped it was a one off but it obviously isn't 🙁
I do feel gutted for both of us but I know there is nothing else i can do really

so he’s done nothing

so this will happen time and time again

and you and your kids will be dragged in to it

Yes. Sadly it looks like it is a bit of a thankless task having had a quick flick through the board another user kindly posted.
I'm glad I stuck around to help him a few months ago but i do get I can't save him again and he is going to have to sort it out himself. I guess I was just reaching out and asking if anyone had experience of that?
Do people have episodes and get back on track - I don't want to write a good person off because of some downtimes but at the same time I can't get dragged down for obvious reasons.

Mental health problems are an illness, and they can be treated. Not everyone can live a healthy, happy life, but it certainly is possible!

It's a bastard though, as the symptoms themselves can be exactly what gets in the way of getting the treatment you need.

I certainly wouldn't blame you for walking away, it's not your job to fix him. But I also would pause for thought before blaming him for not getting help.

I wouldn't blame someone with a broken leg for not dragging themselves to a hospital.

Only you can judge if he's being neglegent in not getting help, or just being ill.