I’ve been with DP for around four years, we don’t live together and are both divorced so have DC (2 each).
I was fresh out my marriage when we got together and for the first year or so everything was pretty good. He’s always been prone to overwhelm (would sometimes have occasions where he got annoyed and would block me for a day or so) but mainly we had a good time, we got on well, we felt ‘right’ and emotionally I felt he understood me.
However gradually - and especially the last 18 months - I feel he has become increasingly negative about everything. Especially if he feels he’s not getting the recognition he deserves. He will then rant / go on about there perceived slights for hours. The longest time (without me even saying a word) was over two hours. Currently he feels that his special abilities and talents are not recognised at work and people don’t see him as being as able as he is. He regularly tells me he’s done things other people couldn’t / can’t do and no one recognises his intelligence and strengths.
I am unsure if he’s become more negative as he’s got older because he’s realising that maybe he won’t go so much further than this career wise?
He is also very negative about other people - for example if we go for a meal and something isn’t ’right’ it can sour the tone of the whole evening.
He jumps to worse case scenario immediately, like he accidentally drove through a red light in a city he hadn’t been in before and he immediately went to ‘I’m going to lose my licence (no existing points), I’m going to go to court’ etc. in the end nothing happened. He was shouting and hitting the steering wheel when it happened - I wasn’t with him but he called me just afterwards.
He also throws things sometimes when he’s overwhelmed and angry.
I often feel now like even small issues are dreadful. It seems disproportionate to me but something small will happen and the doom will come over me as well. Driving is a real trigger for him so I tend to drive us because he gets so angry with other road users.
I guess I’m just feeling worn out by it? When he’s good he’s great but then I’d say it’s about 50/50 for times like this. The good part keeps me hooked in but I am starting to wonder if I would feel better in myself without the negativity.
is this just how relationships can be?
I love him but I don’t really look forward to seeing him anymore because I never quite know what I’m going to get.