AIBU to worry about husband meeting old friend (maybe flame?) for drinks?

[unicornmum00]

Backstory: When DH (38) and I (36) started dating seven years ago, he introduced me to a close female friend who, upon meeting me, acted fairly uncomfortable. From the looks of things, it seemed that she had been sort of relying on him as her non-romantic "boyfriend" for some time (asking for help with things around her apartment, etc.). There was definitely some sort of tension there as well, and when I asked my now-DH about it, he said that they had never been together, but that he'd heard that she had a crush on him at some point.

I appreciated his honesty and, despite some awkwardness in the coming months (examples: calling him to come over and take care of her when she was sick, despite her roommate being around to help; asking him to zip up the back of her dress at an outing), I trusted that DH wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

DH and I ended up moving overseas and we didn't see this friend for years until she came to town when I was pregnant with DD last year. She was much different this time -- warmer to me, and she was great with my DS. There didn't seem to be any tension between them.

Fast forward to now: DH is on a work trip, and I'd forgotten that she lives in the city he's visiting. He just told me that last night he went to get drinks with her and another mutual (male) friend.

There's one side of me that isn't bothered at all because I trust him and she didn't seem to have that "crush" last time we saw her. But then there's another highly anxious, highly exhausted (because DD is ten months old and not sleeping) side of me that is terrified something happened.

I also don't really like the fact that he told me about it after getting the drinks. Maybe it's that he didn't think anything of it, but at the same time, he knows she used to have a crush on him, so I feel like it would have been more respectful to bring it up.

I'm 90% sure I'm overreacting about this whole thing, but I just wanted to know whether other ladies would feel uncomfortable?

TL:DR - DH went to drinks with an old friend who had once had a crush on him (another male friend was there, too). DH told me about it after the fact, and I don't know if I'm overreacting by feeling worried.

I'd say either you think he has already done something with her, or you don't? If he did like her in that way I don't think he would wait till now to cheat with her? It would've happened before.

If you think he hasnt then you shouldn't worry about this one other meeting. She can like him till she's blue in the face but if he doesn't want to cheat on you then he won't. If he's never cheated before I wouldn't be unduly concerned I don't think.

You know she would have wanted to see him, so it's not a surprise she invited him for a drink. Unless of course, it was him who invited her?

This is a hard one because you never really know what's going on between other people. Only you can be the judge about your own situation, how you feel and take it from there. I was very hormonal after having my son and it made me feeI uneasy whenever my husband when out with his friends. It took me about 18months after having my son to feel emotionally back to my normal self. I have always been laid back and have never minded my husband going out with his friends. I asked my husband when we was laid in bed together one night. My head resting on his chest just having random late night conversations I asked him if he ever cheated on me. He told me "no" but his heart started beating so fast. I believed him when he said he didn't cheat I just thought it was the question I had asked him that made him nervous. Later down the line I found out he did cheat. He ended up confessing to me. He said he felt guilty about lying to me and decided to come clean. I will never get back those years together. That feeling of betrayal for completing trusting someone when they said "she is just a friend."

Hi OP
sorry you are feeling so stressed about this (and the context is relevant eg he is far away and you aren’t sleeping great). I would just say either your dh is committed to you in which case Maya Jama could come on strong and he still wouldn’t be interested, or he is flaky and not trustworthy. It sounds like he is a good guy and you have nothing to worry about. Maybe he enjoys the attention of the crush, maybe he really values her as a friend. That is all fine providing he keeps your trust and respects your vows. Worth having a chat with him on his return so he can understand how his actions have affected you and so he can reassure you. It sounds like you have a loving relationship/family so cherish that.
good luck!

You can feel how you like but it would be wrong to control him and dress it up as jealousy it is still controlling

Same as him doing it to you