Moving on from an ex

[anon990]

My child's father moved to Australia when he was 2 months old, he's 14 months now. He recently got a new girlfriend and I've been sent there posts of them together. He's living his dream but barely contacts his son anymore hasn't FaceTimed in 2 months. My question is it's been a year and I still feel stuck and in pain over everything that he's done and how he doesn't bother. How do I move on from it? Do I cut all contact? I struggle with accepting why I wasn't good enough to keep around but she is

Sweetheart, your ex is a shitty father and a horrible man for leaving you alone with a newborn baby while starting a new life somewhere else.
His actions don't reflect back on you in any way. There's nothing you did wrong. You're not unworthy. You were good enough. You deserve love, and so does your child.
It's not your fault that your ex is a complete waste of space.
The only thing I wish for you, is that you learn to expect more from the next man in your life.

Personally, I'd cut all contact. Your DS doesn't know his father and will likely never meet him as it sounds like his father has little interest in him.

Sending you photos of him and his new gf is cruel and you don't need that sort of shit in your life.

Try and think of it less that you weren't good enough for him, more that you weren't right for each other. Be kind to yourself, talk to yourself as though you are your best friend.

I'm also worried that he's going to get her pregnant and actually take care of that child, my son has his name and everything it's very painful to watch that all unfold while he's so happy and I'm still not happy even though he cheated on me when I was pregnant and caused me so much pain my life is still not going right for me. I also wanted to move over with my baby and my best friend next year as we're young and want to experience it aswell

I'd cut all contact from him if that was me.

Block on socials, his number etc he moved away and left his child he can go fuck himself.

You also need to remember too that just because he seems happy and living his life in pictures that doesn't necessarily mean it's all true. People tend to make out this wonderful perfect life on socials when actually it's the complete opposite.

He will do this with every woman he is with if they get pregnant trust me he's one of those.

You did nothing wrong it's not you at all he's just scum. You and your child are way better off without him. I get it hurts but give it more time and you will look back and think what a piece of shit. Your child doesn't know him and even though it's sad he doesn't need him. Concentrate on yourself, self love etc surround yourself with friends and family, go and get your nails done and hair done. Do stuff you love swimming? Reading? Keep yourself busy you've got this 💪🏻

OP, you say you are still not happy. I'm very sorry to hear this. Could you try thinking about things differently? Could you celebrate that you got rid of a lying cheating piece of shit from your life before you wasted even more time on him? As you say, you are young, you have so much time ahead of you in which to meet someone new, someone better, someone who loves you and your DS and doesn't abandon you.

Also, you have got your DS, that's a good thing isn't it? Your scumbag ex has given up his own flesh and blood, and one day, when he's matured more, that is going to make him very unhappy - talk about regrets, he'll have a few!

Australia is a huge country, just move somewhere nowhere near him if you want to go.

Cut him out of your life, it's the first step to happiness, and then focus on building your sense of self worth and self esteem so that you realise you and your DS deserve sooooo much more than your ex.

It's hard work and takes time, but it can be done, I've done it myself and I urge you to try because I'm so much happier now and I don't need a man to validate me.

Block in social media. If you can't see what he's doing, you can't be upset by it.

He has become extremely unbothered to contact us or send money since he's gotten into this relationship, does it usually stay like that?

Yes it will do his new focus will be on her but don't worry about all these little things hun focus on you and your child it is his loss he will cheat on her trust me! This 'happiness' won't last.

So do you think after awhile he will become interested in FaceTiming his son again? Me and my best friend plan to move to the same city in Australia next year and it would help a lot if he took some of his responsibility while we are there

“He has become extremely unbothered to contact us or send money since he's gotten into this relationship, does it usually stay like that?”

Unfortunately it will, if anything, get worse, particularly if he starts a family with his new woman. OP, I know you’re hurting, but you need to draw a line and move on. This scumbag has proved he cares nothing for you and your son, so cut him out of your life and move on. Remember that the photos people put up on SM are not a reflection of real life, where you still have to wash the dishes and clean the loo! You need to focus on yourself and your son - cherish your friends, keep up with your family and move on - this man is in your past, and you need to forget him.

Why are you planning to move to the same town in Australia? It’s a big place, and there are plenty of other towns to move to. Seriously, OP, hankering after your ex and hoping he will suddenly start face-timing your son is a pipe dream - he’s already demonstrated that he’s not bothered about you and your DS, and hoping he will take more responsibility is ludicrous - he went to Australia when your son was two months old: actions speak louder than words and he is saying loud and clear that he is just not interested. If you have family here, I would concentrate on them, rather than moving across the world for something that simply doesn’t exist.

You cut contact. You ask people not to send you an info or any pictures of him from now on. You block his number and socials you do not contact him at all.

This may sound quite brutal OP, but I 100% agree with sesquipedalian - you need to face the hard truth in this situation or this man will steal far too much of your focus and future. You gave him everything (including a son) and he cheated and abandoned you both. Take a deep breath, imagine hundreds of us (who have been through this pain ourselves) in a big circle around you, draw on the strength we have (now we're all on the other side of it) and LET HIM GO. It hurts so much to be you right now, but you will heal, I promise you, and then you will be open to go anywhere you wish and live the bright shiny life that's waiting for you and your boy. Don't follow him and don't hope for a man who has shown such a shitty attitude to you and DS to come back in any capacity. What used to be is gone and it's what's going to be that matters.

But I'm not chasing him. It was always my dream to go also. There's a massive Irish community in that city and I know lots of other people there, where I don't know anyone in any other part

I was just wondering if there's any hope of him wanting responsibility since I'll be there anyway

Like as shit as he genuinely is he was somewhat invovled with FaceTime etc until he got into a new relationship, so I am confused. He also confused me back only in June saying he was coming home and wanted his family back etc which i know is probably shit, but why a year later say all that and then get into a new relationship. It's confusing

He's doing and saying those things to keep you hopeful/delusional and waiting on the subs bench as a fall back for when his other relationships falter and he wants attention/a shag. You moving to the same town may give him the impression that he can do this and you won't mind. If you do move there anyway (and really you should be wherever you want to be), stay away from him except if he wants contact with his son (and isn't just manipulating you)
Please try and wise up love, men like him ALWAYS play the game to their advantage, NEVER mean the nice things they say and it will only stop when you turn your back and get over him.

I'd wager that'll be a big fat NO - it'd interfere with his happy go lucky life and new GF!

meant to answer the will he want responsibility when I'm there question!

Do be aware that Australia can be quite restrictive if they deem that your son is resident there and if your ex refuses permission for him to return here then you could be stuck there until your son is 18. Imagine the scenario where you go there and put in a child support claim. Your ex and his girlfriend decide that rather than pay child support they will have your son more nights. Soon you only see your son half the week and you are homesick but can't leave without your ex's permission. I would tread carefully on that decision to emigrate.

He's not on any child support and he's on a WHV I'd be on a sponsorship. He's not automatically entitled to any rights as we were not married here. So that can't happen

These tossers that abandon their kids aren't with it. I've met a guy who has dumped all 3 of his and moved abroad, scum.

To anyone that will get a notification on this post and is interested in any way. He dumped her when he came home for Xmas , spent 7 weeks here instead of the 2 he was meant to. Spent time with us both ditched her and tried to come back to me while I was in a new relationship( relationship which ended as I wasn't feeling it!) and made the mistake of saying it in conversation, now he has moved back home altogether. Tried for the 7 weeks so hard to get me back and had grand plans of trying again as he moved home 3 weeks ago, but in the last week basically no contact again and isn't seeming anyway interested AGAIN. What the actual fuck is with him. I'm not half as upset or caring this time but seriously what is going through his brain??

Believe me, he isn't as happy as you think he is.

My ex-partner, whom I loved very much. Left after 3 years, I now think he monkey branched onto someone new. As he was with someone else really quickly, which hurt like hell as he left me, and I didn't want that ending. I didn't have children with him, yet I do with my ex-husband.

He tried coming back to me months later, saying the other woman wasn't very nice,

I've had abuse and threats from her as she found out he was at mine (uninvited by me, he just turned up). She even called the police, saying I was in contact with him and she didn't want that, yet the police spoke to him and he said no, I went to see my ex. Then she sends me a message Stay the hell away from her man, or she will ruin my life (I have a good career, and she doesn't). I just thought Don't need this drama in my life, I'll stay well away.

The other woman then sends me a holiday photo of them somewhere tropical, a few months after I saw him last. I cried my eyes out, thinking she was having the best life with him. She looked awful in the photo, yet it hurt like hell and was bloody nasty sending it too, spiteful in fact.

Along with her telling me they are trying for a baby, and he never had one with me. I'm 45 and have two teenagers, I don't ever want any more ever, and neither does he. He even used to say he would rather jump off a cliff than have any more children.

I take my daughter to a sports match 2 weeks after I received the holiday photo, and I accidentally see the woman getting on the bus with her weekly shop. laughed my head off as I have a nice car.

Then the next week, my ex's bank statement turned up at my house. He's up to his eyeballs in debt, and the bank has suspended his main bank account. When he had no debt at all when we were together, in fact, he hates having no money.

Now roll on this week, I've made some new friends, and one knows the woman's ex-husband, and their daughter has told her dad that my ex and the woman he's now with do nothing but argue!

I like that you have really struggled with that ending. I haven't met anyone else and feel incredibly hurt, yet knowing he's got a worse life than we had does make me feel a tiny bit of karmic justice.

You've seen one photo, and you think his life is great, yet the reality will be very different, especially when the sparkle fades and he's been with her a while, and it gets mundane and real life happens.

I deleted all social media when my ex ended on purpose so I couldn't look at his, and I haven't since, so getting sent photos when I purposely closed off my life to not want to know, shows how petty and vindictive the other woman is.

I'm just glad I am me and not her,