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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think I have fallen out of love. Do I leave??

5 replies

greenleaveseverywhere · 29/07/2024 18:32

Me and DP been together 5 years. 1 toddler and 1 baby due in November.

Our relationship has some strengths -

  • he makes me laugh
  • trust him implicitly in the cheating sense
  • loyal dad

But I feel that in a slow burning way, over the last 2 years I have slowly fallen out of love with him.

He has been in a MESS financially which has left me having to bail him out thousands of pounds. It means he doesn't EVER treat me or take me out. Not a penny towards either of my maternity leaves OR a penny towards toddlers clothing/ birthday presents etc.

I can't lie, this has affected how I see him. It's just not attractive.

The financial mess has led to him telling lies too. Lying about debts etc. He becomes very defensive if I ever try to talk about it.

Communication is generally awful.

I feel that he has no capacity to emotionally support me either. I am a very stable person but if ever I am upset, he often tells me I'm overreacting or being ridiculous. For this reason I shut myself down emotionally.

Sex, whilst one great has become incredibly unappealing to me. My body almost rejects him. I think because I feel so unsupported.

Currently, I don't find him attractive as a result of all of the above and his sheer presence I find stressful.

I would love to think I can fall back in love with him. Because if the above changed, I think I could.

It would break me to tear family apart but right now, I feel like I deserve more.

I know I am pregnant and feelings are amplified but I also felt these feelings prior.

Where do I go from here?

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 29/07/2024 19:54

That sounds really difficult OP, it sounds like he is more of an extra responsibility for you rather than a partner so I’m not surprised you feel the way you do, I would too.

Personally I would leave, but I appreciate that’s easier said than done! X

FruitLoop83 · 29/07/2024 20:04

Leave him, sounds like the relationship has run it’s course.

TipsyJoker · 29/07/2024 20:05

I would tell him you want to go to couples counselling. Tell him that you’re fed up and if he won’t work with you then you’re seriously considering ending the relationship. Tell him he has to make more of an effort to put some romance back into the relationship because you need it. It doesn’t have to cost anything. He could leave you little notes around the house. Take you out for a walk somewhere picturesque. Cook you a nice meal, etc. At counselling you’ll be able to have a voice without being minimised or told you’re overreacting. It will help him to understand why he does that and how to stop it.

greenleaveseverywhere · 29/07/2024 20:18

@TipsyJoker Thankyou for this great advice. I am definitely going to suggest this.

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 29/07/2024 20:21

Let him read your post, or tell him how you really feel if there's a chance if fixing it. If not look into leaving

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