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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I over reacting?

17 replies

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 13:44

Hi,

So I've been good friends with this woman since 2021 and we go out with the kids and I go there for a coffee and she comes round mine, we would have breakfast together, get our brows done, you know all the girl things you do.

She recently got a new friend from the school her daughter goes too and they've become really close.... I mean I'm happy for her because she needs other mum friends and I'm glad she found someone else too.

Here's the but.

Soo I have felt a little pushed aside by her in the recent month or two, I recently mentioned to my friend about going on a girls night this was back in may and it was dream boys I had never been and wanted to experience it but she said she can't because her husband won't be happy about it I was like ok cool I get it then this new friend mentions it and within two days she's going.... I was like ok. Then she asked me if I wanted to go Zumba with her I was up for it but couldn't get anyone to have the kids I have 4 on my own, no friends or family to help soo I had to say I'm so sorry I can't go soo now she goes with her new friend I was like ok that's cool, we used to get our brows done and stuff like that but don't anymore and she goes with the new friend now, I was like ok fair enough, then this Friday just gone we went out all three of us I felt a bit weird if honest because I have felt a little pushed out and they are always together I also found out that this new friend has a key to her house and that they go round each others for drinks etc some weekends anyways back to this Friday so we went out to the show and went into town for a few drinks I saw my mum out and my other friend and they come over and said hello they said we are going to toilet be back soon I went ok they come back and said we need to get food and we will be back then the new friend said it's ok I'll take her I went oh really she went yeah stay here with your mum I said your both coming back though aren't you? They both said yes, well they didn't.... they left me I text them both are you coming back as time had passed and I got a screen shot of them eating food and it said on way home they didn't tell me they was going home no messages or calls and it just made me feel really shitty.

I'm now just thinking why do I bother trying to make friends when this happens to me most of the time in the last 4 years I've lost 4 friends because of others reasons I won't go into but I just feel really shit about it.

Am I over reacting? Or am I right for feeling shit about it?

I'm extremely low at the moment as it is and that really didn't help I was looking forward to that night for over a month and it just turned shit. I'm a single mum off 4 and rarely go out as it is prob twice a year if that and it just made me feel like I'm not good enough or I was boring 🤷🏼‍♀️

Please no nasty comments as feeling pants as it is. My friend did apologise and feel bad but in the years I've been out with friends etc I've never just ditched them we go out as a group we go home as a group no one gets left. If I'm honest I just feel maybe I should step away and let them crack on with it. What's everyone's thoughts on this?

Apologises in advance if you think this is a stupid thread but I just wanted to get it off my chest. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/07/2024 16:34

I agree, leave them to it.

Boreoffwithyournakedpics · 29/07/2024 16:53

Their behaviour on the night out was inexcusably nasty. I would not want to be friends with either of them anymore. I know you're feeling low and that it's tempting to lower your standards than have nobody but honestly this is way below what you deserve - you said yourself you would never do this. Is there any other way or places for you to meet new people?

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 18:32

DustyLee123 · 29/07/2024 16:34

I agree, leave them to it.

I think that's what I'm going to do if honest. I went too see her today and there seemed to be a bit of an atmosphere. 🤷🏼‍♀️ just feel pants for it if honest. Another friend lost

OP posts:
sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 18:33

Boreoffwithyournakedpics · 29/07/2024 16:53

Their behaviour on the night out was inexcusably nasty. I would not want to be friends with either of them anymore. I know you're feeling low and that it's tempting to lower your standards than have nobody but honestly this is way below what you deserve - you said yourself you would never do this. Is there any other way or places for you to meet new people?

No not many places round here to meet new people, just sucks being made to feel like that when she was meant to be my friend. Just been ditched for someone else basically.

OP posts:
PersephonePomegranate23 · 29/07/2024 18:39

It all sounds a bit in each other's pocket, which does seem to lead to these intense, faddy friendships where someone suddenly falls out of favour when a new person comes along.

Do you have other friends, hobbies or work? I think it helps to have a scattering of friends so things aren't so focused on one individual.

thursdaymurderclub · 29/07/2024 18:46

all sounds a bit needy to me... friends are allowed to have other friends

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 18:46

PersephonePomegranate23 · 29/07/2024 18:39

It all sounds a bit in each other's pocket, which does seem to lead to these intense, faddy friendships where someone suddenly falls out of favour when a new person comes along.

Do you have other friends, hobbies or work? I think it helps to have a scattering of friends so things aren't so focused on one individual.

Yes they've been in each others pockets since they became close. They are with each other all the time from what they said Friday.

I don't work or have hobbies I have no time as no one to have the kids soo kind of rely on friends to go out etc which is what I had with her we did things together with the kids and stuff but guess that's ended now.

🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 18:47

thursdaymurderclub · 29/07/2024 18:46

all sounds a bit needy to me... friends are allowed to have other friends

I'm ok with her having other friends just feel like Ive been pushed aside since this new woman come along that's all. The Friday just gone wasn't nice being ditched by them both.

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 29/07/2024 18:55

thursdaymurderclub · 29/07/2024 18:46

all sounds a bit needy to me... friends are allowed to have other friends

Did you miss the bit where they thought that it was okay to just leave the OP, after promising to return? It is not needy to want to be treated as if you matter!

BuggeryBumFlaps · 29/07/2024 19:01

The dream boys and night out would see me distancing myself. Your friend has been incredibly rude and unkind to you. You don't need friends like that.

Tel12 · 29/07/2024 19:07

TBH you've not known her that long. Friendship takes time to build. Let her go, she's just someone you knew for a while.

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 19:16

BuggeryBumFlaps · 29/07/2024 19:01

The dream boys and night out would see me distancing myself. Your friend has been incredibly rude and unkind to you. You don't need friends like that.

Just feel pants about it all because I literally have been dropped as soon as another women has become friends with her just makes me think is it me? Have I don't something? Like what's wrong with me?

OP posts:
sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 19:16

Tel12 · 29/07/2024 19:07

TBH you've not known her that long. Friendship takes time to build. Let her go, she's just someone you knew for a while.

Well couple years but hey I guess you are right 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 29/07/2024 19:18

OP, three is a bad number. One nearly always gets squeezed out.
I hope you can widen your circle but appreciate easier said than done.

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 19:19

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 29/07/2024 19:18

OP, three is a bad number. One nearly always gets squeezed out.
I hope you can widen your circle but appreciate easier said than done.

I did think that but didn't want to be the ass if you know what I mean.... I'll just leave them be.

OP posts:
Fannyfiggs · 29/07/2024 19:26

I'm so sorry you are feeling down about this. It's only natural to feel that way after being let down by someone you care about.

What age is your friend, 10? Does she know she can have more than one friend 🙄

Unfortunately your 'friend' is immature and thoughtless. You're better off out of it.

sunshinesummer24 · 29/07/2024 19:27

Fannyfiggs · 29/07/2024 19:26

I'm so sorry you are feeling down about this. It's only natural to feel that way after being let down by someone you care about.

What age is your friend, 10? Does she know she can have more than one friend 🙄

Unfortunately your 'friend' is immature and thoughtless. You're better off out of it.

We are in our 30's just crap situation really. But I'm just going to leave it and let them crack on. The new friend is younger than us we are 33 and 34 and she's 28 just turned.

OP posts:
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