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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner no longer sexually attracted to me

2 replies

Newmama2024 · 29/07/2024 12:37

My partner and I welcomed our baby 4 months ago, both in our twenties and we had a really great birth, we were very lucky. I put on a lot of weight whilst I was pregnant and from about 5 months pregnant onwards my partner had zero interest in having sex with me, initially he said it was down to not wanting to hurt the baby etc but there were times when he had a few drinks and would suggest I was much bigger than I used to be. Up until falling pregnant we had an amazing sex life and I was hopeful that things would return to normal after baby was born (or at least start to improve) but he rejects me constantly and can’t even get it up, on the odd occasion we have had sex he’s lost his erection and had said that he thinks it could be ED but he watches porn regularly and can finish when he’s watching that so I feel like the problem is more focused around how he feels about me rather than being a physical issue. He watches porn on his phone when he’s out of the house and says it’s due to him being horny then and not being horny at home but i know it’s because he isn’t really attracted to me in the way that he used to be. I know it’s still early days after the baby being born but it’s really getting me down and my self esteem has plummeted, he doesn’t want to try to make an effort and keeps making excuses saying things will hopefully get better but I just feel like he’s completely lost any sexual interest in me. I’m trying to lose the baby weight but am breastfeeding and having to keep my calorie intake up each day so I can’t diet in the same way I used to, I feel like his feelings towards me are only skin deep and I just don’t know how to make this better as sex has always been very important to me in a relationship. I have to say he’s been the most amazing dad to our baby and completely adores her so I am very lucky in that sense, I can just see myself becoming very run down if this continues and despite us talking about it nothing seems to get better and no effort is being made at all

OP posts:
Feelingmentallyunsettled · 29/07/2024 14:35

It sounds as though your partner is a porn addict and that the porn has replaced his need to have sex with you.
When you say he watches porn " out of the house" where on earth is he watching it? At work? In social situations with others around him? It sounds really grim.

It's understandable it's affecting your self esteem but it's not your fault. You were pregnant for heavens sake. A natural human process. Of course you got bigger. Quite rightly you are prioritising your baby's needs ATM but you will lose your pregnancy weight.

You say you have talked to him. Have you told him how badly this affecting you.? Unless he is willing to actually work together with you over this then there really doesn't seem much future in your relationship.

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/07/2024 14:38

I agree the porn is the issue. Plus a bit of Madonna/whore as well possibly. He sees you as the mother of his child rather than a partner/lover. Those are all him issues not you issues and I don’t have any advice but it sounds really difficult, I’m sorry.

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