Stressed Husband

[LostNewMom]

Hi all

I'm really using this to try get some advice because all my friends and family are not independent.

I found out I am pregnant 9 weeks ago. I am 12 weeks in. The reaction from my husband has been very bland, lack of excitement, makes me feel like I'm being dramatic about my pregnancy symptoms. Says how lucky I am he took the day off work to come to the scan. He shows very little emotion when it comes to good emotions.

When it comes to stress and frustration, he is a professional at demonstrating those emotions. He is constantly talking about how broken he feels and he gets very easily stressed about everything and causes me to be stressed. Yesterday I had to drive and for the full 2 hrs he was telling me what to do and what not to do and making sound effects as if we were going to crash. I was gripping the steering wheel so hard because he was stressing me out that my hands hurt. This isn't the first example, he has previously sworn at my family members when he's gotten stressed. His Mom even worked me about his stress reaction.

I tried to bring it up last night to say that he needs to get his stress under wraps and he lost his temper and basically told me to eff off.

I've read how stress and crying impacts unborn babies and I'm nervous I'm damaging this child by staying in a stressful relationship. Neither of us are happy, we are both just following the calendar entries.

I've been sleeping in the spare room to get some space but I feel like it may not be enough of a safe space for me anymore.

So my question is, if you don't feel safe in your relationship? Is it a good enough reason to leave? Keeping in mind the damage of stress during pregnancy.

That sounds very hard to live with.
And like he needs help (for both your sakes); at one time I was off work due to stress, for days that turned into the best part of a year. That was in the Blair years though... I am not at all sure the same would occur today.
Other mumsnetter... Any experience of recent MH support and how to access it? Things have changed since a doctor diagnosed me with anxiety & depression 20 years ago.

If I was in that position the very least I would expect is him to treat me with respect and actively seek help. Otherwise, I'd be seriously considering whether I wanted to be linked to him for many years to come and his negative influence on both you and your child's life.

Was the pregnancy planned?

Not feeling safe is more than enough reason to leave a relationship in my opinion. At the end of the day, you owe that to yourself and your unborn child.
What sort of man is he if he chucks a tantrum when stressed?! Stress is a part of life and we all deal with it in some way or another. He obviously cannot deal with stress in a healthy way. Ask yourself if you’re happy to put up with this for the foreseeable future.
I wonder what he might do when the baby cries at 3am?! You will not have any support from him. I’d make an escape plan now.

A baby is going to massively add to his stress levels, especially when the baby is crying at night and he can't sleep. If he can't handle it now, he certainly won't then!

Also, you mentioned:

1. He swears at your family
2. He stressed you out when you are driving (dangerous)
3. You feel unsafe with him
4. He reacted badly to your concern for him
5. He wanted praise for doing something basic like attending a scan (its his baby too!)
6. You are both going through the motions

Yeah, he's a loser.

It may manifest as stress but it's abuse. Pregnancy is often when they start or increase their abuse. If you feeling unsafe wasn't a good enough reason what on earth would be? Waiting for him to prove that you were right to feel that way? Please do not put it off thinking it will improve, it rarely does.

The sooner you get out the better, for you and your baby. I would be very careful about how you do that, this man is abusive and they don't take kindly to not having full control, as you know. If you are in the UK I would recommend contacting Women's Aid for help in keeping yourself as safe as possible and support with what you are going through

dear god, op. He is abusive. He is absolutely awful. Leave him.