How do you actually put boundaries in place?

[SunshineonLeaves]

I’ve had a very challenging year with several deaths, a cancer scare and a house move to help my DP through, consequently I feel absolutely burnt out and quite fragile. I’ve had tough times before (as well all do) and I’m glad now I can recognise how I feel and do my best to address it.

My focus needs to be on my DP, my job and my daughter - everything else needs to go on the back burner for a bit. I know this sounds selfish but you can only split yourself so many ways can’t you? I’m trying to eat well, get some sleep which I’m struggling with and generally take a bit of a step back from everything else.

Family and friends are not taking this well though, in particular my DM who is challenging at the best of times. I’m getting stressed texts asking if she’s upset me and why we haven’t spoken when I’ve actually texted several times and we’ve chatted on the family group. Friends seem to think I’m being a bit of a drama Queen - I haven’t flounced off, I’m happy to chat but just don’t want to commit to anything else at the moment.

We’re always told to put healthy boundaries in place but when you try nobody seems to accept them - where am I going wrong?

OP you need to reconsider your friendships if friends cannot comprehend that you're upset over the death of your dad and subsequent bereavements. Most people can empathise with someone grieving and friends should be kind and supportive.

I’m not sure if they do but I just don’t think they understand. They were lovely at the time - sent flowers, offered to come to the funeral - but I think it’s common with bereavements that people tend to forget quickly if it’s not them who has lost someone.

Hi OP
I don't think you are being precious at all, sometimes we cant meet the wants and needs of others. There is nothing 'drama queen' about that.

It may just be that you need to communicate different boundaries to different people.

e.g. you might want to take time to explain to your DM that you are tired, got a lot on etc, can't be there much for her emotionally at mo.

And with friends, communicate something different e.g. having a quiet summer, here on WhatsApp if you want to chat, but can't meet up.

You could think about your emotional boundaries with your DP - you need to look after yourself and get yourself up to strength as first priority.

I get it op... family bereavements and stress of it, with heightened emotions. We all need space. Unfortunately putting boundaries in has lead to my family falling out with me, for now. However, my mental health and peace is a million times better.

Just state what you're Willing to do, n help signpost to stuff you don't have capacity for. If people take issue with that, that's on them not you.

But isn't your mother bereaved too?

I was referring to my friends - my parents had been divorced for years and although still friendly it’s not quite the same.