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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling insecure in new relationship. Help please!

1 reply

Neverknowwhattohave · 28/07/2024 20:53

I’ve NC for this so it doesn’t link to previous posts because I just feel a bit silly.

I have recently (less than a year) come out of a ten year marriage which had been dead for a long time after my husband’s numerous affairs, my confidence has been shattered and it’s taken a lot for me to get to a place of happiness and contentment again. I met a man in February and things have been going well. We get on, laugh together, never argue or even disagree but the man does not communicate in the way I need or I am used to. I get a few random messages throughout the day, short things like “you okay?” Or “I’m so tired”. He also finds it very difficult to talk about feelings or emotions but so do I.

His communication has always been like this but I really struggle with it. We see each other a lot and when we’re together I don’t feel insecure and we just bounce off each other. He recently went abroad and messaged loads and even FaceTimed me which we don’t usually do, so I think he missed me (not that he would ever say it.) But when we’re apart I feel like there is absolutely no communication and it just makes me feel insecure which is silly isn’t it? I absolutely do not think there is anyone else, he has a busy job, children and an active social life as do I. Am I being ridiculous because of my past history of being cheated on? We’re both in our 30’s so I know we don’t need to message like teenagers do but I just need a little bit more. We haven’t even made our relationship “official” which I presume would normally have happened by now? Wise Mumsnetters how do I broach all of this with him without sounding needy? I’m so new to dating after years of marriage I’m finding this so difficult. I can’t ask my friends because I feel a bit silly. Thank you

OP posts:
Desertislandparadise · 28/07/2024 21:19

One sign of a good relationship is that you feel safe enough to raise awkward topics or emotional questions etc.

If you want to make your relationship 'official' then I'd suggest asking him. His response should tell you a lot. Either he responds positively, in which case great. Or he gets angry/shuts down in which case time to bin him.

If he's just a quiet sort of person who doesn't spontaneously start deep discussions about the future but will listen and respond respectfully to anything you want to talk about, then that's probably fine. Not a red flag at least, just depends on what you can live with.

If he makes you feel small or silly for wanting things to be official and to make plans for the future, then he's definitely not the right man for you.

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