Found out he's not separated - feel so stupid

[Hisaronu1234]

Ok long story short (as poss)
Recently started 'hooking up' with a guy I used to work with , he was my ex boss actually but hasn't worked at my place of work for a few years , we started chatting/flirting on messenger and decided to start getting together as a FWB kind of situation as we were both single/separated,

There was nothing to suggest on his social media page that he was in any sort of relationship and because I knew him previously (although not really in a personal capacity more professional) I was inclined to believe him , he is a little older than me but was always very sweet and gentlemanly towards me so he felt like a safe place, I knew his ex/mother of his kids name as she worked at where we worked many moons ago and we have a few mutual connections although do not know each other directly, her FB profile was locked and her prof pic didn't give anything away but I came across an Instagram account that had a bit of a cryptic name (like not her first/last name more of a pet name)and her profile is public and includes photos of him that suggest they are still in very much a happy family .

i feel so effing stupid and guilty towards his partner who seems such a nice person , I would never have gone there if I had thought they were still an item, i have messaged him to call him a bell end and I allowed him to reply as I was interested in his excuse and he gave the old 'separated but hiding it from the kids ' bollocks which i dont believe for a second and I have now blocked him, im 30 years old and i cannot believe I have been so naive .

im really tempted to message his partner and tell her but i dont want to hurt her and also dont want to cause myself any grief, as although i feel so bad on her behalf, i know deep down it's not my fault

So annoyed.

it is possible they’ve separated surely

but you obviously had your suspicions if you were snooping on her OP

So 🤷 and move on

How long going on for?

good grief don’t message this woman

You didnt do it intentionally so let it slide. He's a shithouse, leave him to it.

What a bastard, good job you found out early on and well done for getting rid.

I never understand people who say this. How can people just happily let it go knowing somebody is out to cheat on their partner. If OP stops it, he'll just seek out someone else and this poor woman will be living her life with a liar and a cheat.

Exactly and possibly putting her health at risk too. I would def tell her. I’d explain I had no idea they were still together and as soon as I found out I blocked him and told her. If I was the wife I would absolutely 100% want to know.

Would ratting him out impact your career? As in...do you need references from him or is he well connected in your industry. If so, I'd say protect yourself and don't say anything.

If not, go ahead if you want, I would want to know if I were her, but be aware that telling her could bring a lot of drama your way.

Long enough to be pissed off but not long enough to be heartbroken

how long is that?

Talking every day for about a 6 weeks (I was working away for a while during this period ) and hooking up twice , not seen each other in about 4 years , know each other roughly 10 years

I wouldn't tell her. You'd be throwing a hand grenade into those children's lives. I know it's his fault. But let it be someone else's hand grenade, if they're going to split. You don't know the full story and they might split anyway, or live long and happy lives together. I would block and move on.

so not really FWB

sounds like an EA more than anything