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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The crush that won't go

32 replies

Thecherryhotel · 28/07/2024 10:16

I say the crush won't go, I tend to go weeks without thinking about this man but then he checks in by text or bumps into me at work (big company and completely different departments so rarely see him) and the feelings come rushing back.

I've tried blocking him but unblocked him when he mentioned it. He's a nice guy but completely unsuitable. Not to mention I'm in a relationship.

Please no 'imagine him doing disgusting stuff' it doesn't work. I just want to be able to see him without going into a tailspin.

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 28/07/2024 11:46

Watchkeys · 28/07/2024 11:44

What tragedies befall you when you are momentarily in his thrall?

Sorry about this question... I just think that 11 year olds deal with crushes, so you can.

BagOfBollocks · 28/07/2024 11:47

taylorswift1989 · 28/07/2024 11:44

Limerence isn't a "serious crush", it's a mental illness characterised by escaping one's reality by fixating on another person and losing your identity in an imagined perfect relationship.

Only OP knows if this applies to her, or whether it is indeed just a crush. Crushes pass by themselves if you do nothing. Limerence tends to get worse and affect your life, and would probably help to talk to a therapist.

Show quote history

Limerence isn't a "serious crush", it's a mental illness characterised by escaping one's reality by fixating on another person and losing your identity in an imagined perfect relationship.

Well yes, quite.

Yet (as was my point) so many MNetters tend to queue up to shout 'limerance' when someone has a crush.

AnotherNaCha · 28/07/2024 11:47

BagOfBollocks · 28/07/2024 10:28

Are you peri-menopausal?

The hormone imbalance can bring on teenage-strength crushes.

can it?!? Omg

WallDown · 28/07/2024 12:12

We can't stop you fancying him, nor can we stop this man using you for an ego boost (you too)

If you cannot stop through loyalty towards your husband and maybe your children then you will always be the available one too weak to show respct for yourself and your husband.

He is enjoying your attention and also enjoying getting one over on your husband, some men love to do that.

Don't put your h in that possition, protect him keep your relationship safe, he doesn't want to be in a possition whereby if he finds out he has to either defend his honour or dump you.
The kids arn't going to like this either if you have any, 5 years of you flirting and finding another man attractive over their dad.

This man is a shit and you are allowing him to be one.

Original poster
Thecherryhotel · 28/07/2024 12:22

I think blocking and sticking to it might be the only way and just to say I'm too busy if he pops by at work.

Maybe him mentioning it will be so unlikely then. I am a bit worried because I genuinely don't think he does see me any more than a good friend and it feels harsh. But I think I'm out of options.

OP posts:
BagOfBollocks · 28/07/2024 12:24

This man is a shit and you are allowing him to be one.

The OP has a DP and a 3 year old child.

This makes them both the same in the shit department. Or (as she doesn't say whether he's in a relationship), possibly a bit less so for him.

AquaFurball · 28/07/2024 12:31

WallDown · 28/07/2024 12:12

We can't stop you fancying him, nor can we stop this man using you for an ego boost (you too)

If you cannot stop through loyalty towards your husband and maybe your children then you will always be the available one too weak to show respct for yourself and your husband.

He is enjoying your attention and also enjoying getting one over on your husband, some men love to do that.

Don't put your h in that possition, protect him keep your relationship safe, he doesn't want to be in a possition whereby if he finds out he has to either defend his honour or dump you.
The kids arn't going to like this either if you have any, 5 years of you flirting and finding another man attractive over their dad.

This man is a shit and you are allowing him to be one.

He greets her as Hi mate, how is that an ego boost or makes him a shit?

Sounds like it's a one sided crush only

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