Feel more alive when I'm not around DH

[Mohosandcaras]

My husband is a lovely man. He's patient, hardworking, level-headed, and gorgeous. We've been together since I was eighteen, we're now in our mid-30s with two lovely kids. He's a brilliant dad and does his share of housework and parenting. He supports me in everything I do.

Problem is, I don't really feel myself around him. When I'm alone, or just with the kids, I sing, I dance around the kitchen, I do silly stuff to make the kids laugh. I just feel "livelier". And this extends to being around my friends and family too - I feel like myself. When I'm with my friends or family I often laugh until I cry. That's never happened with my husband. When it's just me and my husband I sort of feel like the oxygen has been sucked out of the room. :(

Our sex life isn't what I really want it to be either, and never has been, but that's a whole other can of worms.

Is this just an inevitable side effect of the slog of having young kids and having to do all the boring parenting drudgery together? Will it get better once we're out of those particular trenches? Do other long-term couples feel like this?

He sounds like an energy vampire.

Have you ever been your real self with your h? Or not? Why do you think this is?

Maybe he is just the serious side of the operation and it's the trade off for all the wonderful qualities.

Kids are definitely sex life wreckers but I guess if that spark isn't there or never has been then it's the trade off for all the other qualities still.

Maybe just accept he is a bit boring and keep just finding the fun wherever you can.

You’ve become polite housemates

I felt like this. We divorced and I have never once regretted it.

I'm afraid I don't think your first paragraph is any where near as important as actually being yourself in a relationship. It's exhausting, and ultimately doesn't work, ti try to be who someone else wants you to be.