I have been using the grey rock method on my mum for a few years now. Its to protect myself from her manipulation and gaslighting. Its only since I've become a mum that I've truly realised what my childhood was like. Fortunately we live some distance away and she doesn't prioritise seeing her grandchildren over lunch dates with her friends or her weekly pilates class, so face to face contact is an annual occurance at most.
After her recent visit I'm starting to question her behaviour even more. She's negative all the time. Even if you are talking about something in a positive way (e.g. a recent trip to a nice restaurant/a big family holiday that my DC loved) she'll turn the conversation on its head, making childish 'yuck' faces and noises and I just end up thinking what's the point in sharing things about my life if that is her response. She's the same when my primary age DC tell her things that they're excited about.
She has no self awareness and will often complain about other people's behaviour when it is identical to hers. I have pointed this out in the past, but she denies it, makes out that its me that's the problem and generally come out with comments like "you're so sensitive" or the classic "you're just like your father". So I've given up challenging her on things and have basically just shut down.
She's in her 70s, but physically healthy. Mentally - who knows, she has always been proud of being old-fashioned and traditional, i.e. tendency to be offensive because "that's how it was in my day". I'm just not sure what else to do, other than continue the grey rock approach. I feel no love for her anymore, which makes me sad. My dad was an alcoholic and died several years ago, we were estranged and I feel like the same is happening with my mum although for very different reasons.
Has anyone experienced similar behaviour from a parent? How did you navigate it and were you able to improve your relationship?