Do I have impossible standards to reach

[Flamingo27]

Hi. This might be a long 1. I met my boyfriend 7 months ago and it was perfect from the start. He treated me so well, always thinking of lovely things for us to do, affectionate and making it clear from the go that he wanted no one else. We wanted the same things out of life and I could see us having an amazing future ahead.
Then a couple of months I'm I noticed on his Facebook 1 girl loving all his posts. Clicked on her page out of curiosity, she had all trashy barely dressed photos that he had put love emoji on only started since the day we had slept together. I tried not to bring it up but couldn't resist. This girl is in her late 20s and he is in his early 40s, found it odd. He said that they were just friends and that her ex playing games with his friend pretending something going on with them to make this girl jealous. So he got carried away and wanting to make the guy think there was something going on with this girl to make him jealous. I wasn't happy but he said he will not do it again and it was dropped. Skip forward to the last month and I got a message from a guy via Facebook saying your man been messaging my girl, with photos of their chat. In them he messaged 1st saying why you playing games I can't see your profile on Instagram. Few text in and he was asking her to meet up outside for a few minutes. I felt sick. Went back to our chat from that day and he was messaging me the same time. No mention of this chat to her. Turns out she is the friend from the 1st story that the girls ex was playing games with. My and my boyfriend argued for a day over this, he said he saw her in distress earlier on and wanted to check she was OK. This girl is is 30. I dont get why guys his age would have these little girls numbers in the 1st place.
Well now we come to the ex. I have always found them a bit too friendly,he dont agree and here is where i may get slated. They have 2 children together so I get they have to keep on good terms. They moved far away once they split so he doesn't get to see them as much as he would like. But when they come to stay here, she comes along too and stays at her friends. The mist recent visit has come this week and it has ended us. A couple of weeks ago his overnight bag was left next to my bed as he went hoke for a couple of hours. I go to get out of bed and saw a letter folded up with his name and a x on it. I send him a photo saying who's the letter from. Managed to resist for 15 minutes but then read it. It was a fill on love letter from her. Saying how she craves his touch, he is her home, the sensation they feel at the slightest touch of a hand. How she enjoys every quality moment they spend together. He gets in touch a few minutes later and said he hadn't read it and she handed it to him on fathers day, he didn't tell me as thought I wouldn't handle it so soon after the messaging the girl thing. We didn't argue, I knew it her actions not his but said he needs to install boundaries cos this overly friendly stuff is giving her hope. We'll just 3 days later his dog had puppies and he put a dale advert up, using her photo with the adult dog on it. This we did argue about. It's like he rubbed salt in the wound, the photo wasn't needed he had many photos of the dog up already. Why did he need to include this. Then this week they have all come here and I feel like I've had to be hidden away like some dirty secret. There have been a few things that seem a bit shady. I said to him yesterday that i feel I am not part of your world at all. That I do get that it is too soon to be meeting your kids yet but also feel that I have been confined to the shadows this week and have only been able to see you during work hours. I asked if this valentines day if they come over for the week again, will be be in the same position as the last 1 where i dont get to see him for it. Also he says they k ow about me so i asked if he has mentioned me at all this week, he said he hasn't. It sounds like he isnt even paving a way. We have spoke about miving in together in spring. Even when they were both busy Sunday he didn't even think to see me even though we live 10 min drive away from eachother. He messaged me at 4 to say he just got in supermarket, assumed it was the tesco extra past me since most shut. I thought i saw him pass later on so asked him, he said wasnt him as he was in the 1 in the other drection and had only just left there. This was gone 5pm and that supermarket had shut at 4. I ask him about this the next day and he said he rushed in then went for a walk around the park. Feels weird that he made out that he was in the supermarket the whole time instead of just saying that is what he done. Also why not invite me for the walk about the park while the kids were busy when I want going to be able to see him for most of the week. Yeah I probably sound crazy there. But a reality check is what I am in need of now. I need to hear from people who don't know me, so they won't just agree with me to have my back or want to save our relationship because they like him. I need to know am I being a loon? Should I have not said anything to all this stuff and just enjoy an otherwise healthy relationship? Is there something not quite right with the way my mind works, I don't know anymore.
I have barely been to his house. I havnt met anyone in his life. I said I know it is because of distance and I understand bit hoping that can change. After that call he said he is getting too much anxiety over getting in trouble with me so would rather be on his own. By text. He wouldn't even answer my calls.

Fgs it's been 7 months, you're supposed to still be in the rainbows and kittens and everything is perfect honeymoon phase and you've already had all this drama and petty arguing. I can't believe your perspective is skewed enough to call this an "otherwise healthy relationship". It's not. There's nothing healthy about this mess at all.

Just break up. You're presumably at least in your 40's if you're calling a 30yo a "little girl", you don't need anyone's permission to not be in a shit, high-school-esque relationship!

You’ve been love bombed by a lying cheating gaslighting man. Hes a serial philanderer and it’s unlikely that the cheating is just emotional.

Hes not perfect, your relationship is not healthy - he’s been taking you for a mug. Not going to his house or meeting people in his life are massive read flags.

Hes done you a massive favour ending it - and he’s almost certainly seeing other women. Delete and block - he’s not worth another minute of your time

There are definitely some flags there - seems to be all a bit of a secret and sorry, but 7 months in a serious relationship is plenty of time in to meet kids despite what many say. If I was serious about someone they would meet mine within 3 months easy (partly as even when they are not with me the pop in anyway)

Thanks both. Very different responses to the ones I have got from people in my life. I had only told my mam the full story. She likes him and thought we could work through these issues if I made it clear, no more. But also saying that I should not be messaging him angry about things. I asked her what bit should I have kept quiet about then, even if I didn't say I would still be feeling it. She had no response. It is leaving me questioning my own sanity. I keep thinking is this me, but then I have not been like this is past relationships. I have been single for long periods between dating because I couldn't really be bothered with it. So think I am massively out of practice with being with someone.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said silly little girls sounding like it is a blanket target at all in that age bracket. I'm only just turned 37 myself. These 2 in particular are silly little girls from what I have seen

Yes, he met mine at 4 months. But she is 15 and not likely to think of him as a step dad ever and also I his kids circumstances are different. Missed out on my original post that he told me when we got together in December that they were slit a year ago, but I found posts on her insta that shows she may have still been living there as soon as August. So they are probably still coming to terms with the changes. I have asked him for an exact date and said that was a lie you told me, but he said he doesn't know the exact date and doesn't want to think of that time in his life

Sounds like you are dating my ex to be honest. He was a liar and manipulator and kept women on social media as back up. Leave him now before he makes your life a misery and do not let him lose yourself in the proces.

Beware of the man who:

Has multiple defunct social media accounts.

Follows women he's either friends or not friends with on social media. Webcam regular and stalker.

Posts about their crazy ex/exes and how he is a victim of xyz or thinks he's a hero of some sort.

Has children, but they are nowhere to be seen or heard about on their current social media account, where they follow and interact with a harem of women. They either don't see their children or they are not allowed to.

Has a creepy aura about them IRL and on their social media.

Whose words and actions don't match up.

Has mainly a whole new group of friends on their current social media compared to old accounts.

Has a harem of women as 'friends' on their social media - some he's keeping sweet, some he's manipulating and lying to.

Has multiple failed relationships, some of which can be researched on social media of you dig deep.

Has an ex or two who he's still platonic with - he's hoovering psycho - on or off social media.

Has behaviours which don't add up - eg. superficial friendships, but no real friends; telling different friends different stories about exes based on lies, twisted half truths and reactive abuse; acts charming and sweet, but something feels off which you cannot shake off.

Has anything on or off social media that bring together pieces of a puzzle to indicate he's a highly unstable, unpleasant and dysfunctional individual.

This may not all apply to your bf, but if even one or two wave a red flag you need to end it with this man.

We have had words about social media too to be honest. He sent me link to his Instagram when we met and asked if I had it and to add him. I only got a hobby account which I no longer used so didn't add or look then. Couple months in curiosity got the better of me to want to know what his ex was like as he had said we look so different. That's when I checked and saw he was still liking her photos. Also saw many of the women he following were random half naked accounts that I just find embarrassing and gross. I only mentioned the ex thing at the time, but couldn't get the close to porn accounts out of my head so mentioned it a while later and he then deleted all those accounts so did make the change to make things better. Said he added them while single which fare enough

So this makes sense, you've I assumed not had healthy relationships modelled if your own mother is minimising communist party levels of red flags. If this is the honeymoon phase of your relationship heaven help you. Get rid and never ask your mother for advice again!