Would it matter to you?

[DustyLee123]

I’m in a very long marriage, and when I married I believed that you became a couple who shared everything. No lies or dishonesty.
Fast forward to now, DH has said that his credit card bill is none of my business, and neither is the inheritance he’s getting. That’s not how I’d treat DH, and I feel betrayed in a way. I’d be happy to spend my inheritance on holidays and upgrades to the house, and I wouldn’t keep it secret from him, and neither do I expect him to spend it on me. I just wondered what others in long relationships think?

Fast forward to now, DH has said that his credit card bill is none of my business, and neither is the inheritance he’s getting

I would not be spending the remainder of whatever life I have left with a man like this, I assure you.

That's absolute bullshit. If you married, any inheritance (on either side) will form part time of your marital assets.
Doesn't sound like he sees a long term future with you if he's acting that way. Might be a good idea to keep an eye on what assets are going where in case you need to get lawyered up at some point.

You’re married so it’s all shared - or should be.

Remind him if you divorce if all gets divided up fifty fifty. He’s not behaving like a partner, just a selfish, nasty, grasping enemy of yours. It’s not ok on any level.

A couple of years ago I would agree with you - seems well out of order.

How is your relationship - if it's rocky then that could explain it. I will be due a decent inheritance and thank god my wife ended things when she did and not say 5 years later as IF I had it, she would have got half of what my dad worked hard for.

If I knew things would last, not an issue but I am very wary now, and any future marriage will have a prenup in to protect assets for my kids.

I'd love to know what's on his credit card statement that he's so concerned about hiding from you. Nothing good, I'm sure.

Has he always definitely been open about similar things or is it just coming to light that he's hiding things now because you've actually asked? If it's something new and he's always been open before then I would be very suspicious and it would be a deal breaker if I sat him down, asked him to share and he still didn't. I don't like secrets in a marriage, even lies by omission are a no-no for me, I'd be thinking he is hiding something he really doesn't want you to know about.

Is this secrecy around money new? It would seem strange if you’ve always had transparency or joint finances before.

I'd be very wary about what else he's hiding. What's he like with money in general do your have a joint account? You're married so the inheritance is a shared asset.

I think you should both be open about inheritance. On the credit card, do you each have your own cards? Do you routinely show each other details of your accounts, rather than an overview, I.e. if you both pay off your cards each month, do you need to know the details?

Have you been an equal partner financially over the years?

I don't mind DH keeping his credit card bill private if that's what he wants to do. But inheritance, absolutely NOT.
I would want to know how... what he might be getting... will affect our family

What's he hiding from you?

That's rhetorical of course. But surely it's made you wonder WHY he's so secretive?

It would depend on wether this was new or not.

We don't shut each other out financially if that's what you're asking

I mean if it's 5k inheritance and he has a 5k cc bill then i don't see the problem but if it's position altering money, 50k say for instance, then it's the family's.

Going to depend on details

But family money whatever it is, debt, inheritance, salary, savings, pensions, yep that's all open, regardless of amount.

I wouldn't be bothered about the credit card bill but I would be very annoyed if DH kept an inheritance a secret and also if he spent it on all himself.

Both me and DH have received inheritances and, both times, we discussed what we would do with the money

I spent most of my inheritance on the house and family unit. Stbx stated he would do the same and we agreed on which house jobs. When it came through he spent it on himself. Actually that's a lie - he added some of my savings to it and spent more.

The very last bit of my inheritance is paying for a divorce lawyer. I'm not going into retirement with him spending on himself which I grub around in the sofa for house and family money. Actually I'm not sure if it's him spending the money, the lies, or the sheer brass neck of it all, probably all three. This is after 40 years so we've been together a long time. Can't wait for freedom tbh.

I think I'd 'end things' if I were married to you.

He’s never really told me about his credit card balances as I’ve assumed the money going out of our joint account every month was paying them off in full. It’s only recently that he’s told me how much is actually on it, and then it was because he’s going to pay it off with the inheritance. I feel like that was a deception, I would have told him if I’d owed that much, but then I’d never get into owing that much.

It’s definitely going to be more like £50,000 than £50.