A mum who tells lies

[PerfectYear321]

Who here has a mum who tells lies for no apparent reason?

Mine - I think she's a bit detached from reality and likes to cause trouble.

Do you want to talk about yours?

Hi, thank you for replying. I would like to talk about it. I'm a middle -aged person realising my mum is a bit problematic 😭

Sure, I'm up for a bit!

I don't think mine is detached from reality. She absolutely knows what is going on. When she lies she seems to get a thrill out of it. And it's done in such a way that I then have to fall in with it. It would be extremely embarrassing to row back from the lie. Annoyingly, it is never anything worth lying for. Though I'm not a liar so I can't imagine what would actually be worth lying for.

Can you fall back from her a bit?

How do you mean?

Oh, detach from her? Hope yours isn't clingy as well!

It does sound upsetting.

Constantly and for no reason sometimes, I think she just gets a kick out of it but she lies also to get sympathy or to slander people really. I have no contact with her and shes still lying about me.

Mine! She loves to be at the centre of turmoil and drama, in her mind 'controlling' it, rejecting others before they reject her, or causing trouble for people she deems have 'disrespected' her.

She lies like a child, with no thought for the seriousness of the consequences or how obvious the lie is. BIL rude to her? Tell people he's a paedophile. Every single woman she knows is 'knocking someone off' and got her job 'on her back'. Neighbour takes her parking space? He's 'embezzling at work, they found out but they covered it up'. A woman who miscarried 'threw herself down the stairs because she didn't want another one/it was another man's' etc. Just the most hateful things.

And when she does it about everyone else, I know she's doing it about me. I think that's a given for all gossips and liars.

Mine is the same.

I was NC for around 10 years, and now, very low contact. The lies come so naturally to her. I find lying so challenging as I'm autistic, very 'black and white' thinking and I can't lie. She's even bragged in the past about what a great liar she is - as if that's something to be proud of FFS 😡

Also asd and adhd so same here but she paints me out to be the liar and despite people knowing she lies they still believe the lies about me which is bizarre. She got away with it till she started lying about my child. I walked away then but since going no contact I have heard so many rumours about myself it is incredible and this is from people with no access to me or my life so they are blindly believing a known liar which I think is just as bad as lying to begin with.

She will never change. A liar never will. As my dad says the only thing worse than being a liar is being a liar who believes your own lies and she does.

My mum. She does it to take attention away from other people. She also thrives on pity and sympathy so will rewrite history.

Some people are liars and many of those are mums. It’s very unfortunate that you have one as your mum.

I hate liars. I’d go very low contact. I would also very casually and matter of factly, calmly squash the lies as soon as she tells them. And I might say to her that I think she needs an assessment for dementia - if she keeps telling lies.

there’s no need for you to go along with any lies. You can just say, I don’t know why mum said that. I’m sure that the situation is [whatever]

Not extremely but definitely a completely not in touch with reality narrative going on there. Biggest impact on me is that I have to challenge myself all the time as the biggest vibe from my childhood was a set of rules based on whatever was going on in her mind at the time.

@Genuineweddingone mine tries to make me out to be the liar too. I'm the family scapegoat so her little band of followers codependent idiots believe her. Lying is so damaging, but the liars can't see this. They get something from it. It's sick behaviour.

Mine told me a family member was dead before I was even born, so I couldn't possibly have early memories of him.

In my 40's I got into ancestry, saw the records, and a photo appeared of us all courtesy of a distant cousin.

They were always stupid senseless lies. I think she was just bored out of her mind by that point so it was to make drama / an issue out of everything that passed her way.

Mine lies a lot. Sometimes pointless things, other times as she doesn't want to accept she's wrong, other times really nasty things about me. I hadn't realised until recently when someone pointed it out that she catastrophises so I guess it's her creating drama.

She always claims she has a poor memory but when she's lying she always claims to be absolutely certain and remembers it clearly as she's telling the 3rd different version. She just HAS to make something up she can't just say she doesn't remember. It's only when she's caught out in a massive lie that she'll fall back on the poor memory thing. It's bizarre.

We were looking at old photos and she told me where they were taken but claimed she'd never been there. When we found a photo of her there she claimed it must be me, despite it having been taken at least a decade before I was born, as she never owned a top that colour. It's so pointless!

She's also told lots of people I'm a drug addict, violent and a thief so I have NO idea what people think of me and whether they have all been told the same thing!

All of this too yes.

Not always that easy. My mother has the family convinced i am an alcoholic to the point where one of them 'remembers clearly' my opening and drinking 3 bottles of red wine in one sitting while on video call to him and my son not going to school the next day.
Now, I have never been on videocall to this cousin. Not sober drunk or otherwise and my son has an excellent attendance rate but the manipulation of a liar means he now somehow has this memory. Its horrible.

Also the scapegoat. My sister 'knows' things about my life apparently, she KNOWS i drink/sleep with married men/do drugs, whatever narrative the mother is spouting at the time.

My sister lives on a different continent to me. We rarely talk and if we do it is first thing in the morning in my country, the only married man I ever slept with was my own husband at the time and I cant even take a paracetamol without a fanfare and feeling sick yet my sister who has not been inside my home in about 10 years KNOWS what goes on here. Because my mother informs her. My mother cant know anything as I dont speak to her, have none of them on social media and dont post anything personal but she KNOWS what I am up to.

Manipulation, lies and triangulation are words that should be put on my mothers headstone.