Child contact after domestic abuse ?

[Eighteight]

My partner has been arrested for domestic abuse against me ( breaking things in the home , controlling behaviour and assault - dragging me into my home while holding our baby ) as well as threatening to hurt me and baby if I didn’t do what he wanted ( not leave the home to talk to him ) I do think this was an empty threat but I couldn’t take the risk so tried to leave hence being pulled back in against my will . He’s never been physically abusive but very controlling and has anger issues he needs to work on . Deffo has BPD , a social worker pointed this out and it’s obvious I’ve just never thought about it . He is only ever like this when he drinks and flies into rages . Anyway , next court date isn’t until 2 months away but the court have said he’s allowed child contact via third party . However social came out and are basically saying no contact at all ? If something happens then I would be to blame for trusting the baby to go there . I don’t think he would hurt him but then again he’s unpredictable so I can’t take any chances . His family are pushing for him to have contact as court have said it’s fine but how can they say this when social are saying otherwise ? I’m dragging my heels over contact now but what will happen next ?

Firstly, well done for doing such an amazing job keeping yourself and baby safe and getting out. It's incredibly frustrating when social services expect you to police/supervise access and can't help themselves, especially if the courts are saying something different. It feels very unfair. Are you getting support from an IDVA or domestic abuse charity. Mine advised stopping contact and waiting to be taken to court. In the meantime, gather evidence as to why you are not allowing contact (e.g from social services, police etc)

Hi thank you ! No not yet , they did ask if I wanted someone to talk to who specialises in that field and I said yes , so it’s just early days and still waiting on a call . I’ve had to give my job up now as I now have zero childcare and it’s really causing me stress as I’ll be financially worse off my roughly £400 a month . I’m a single parent with other children too . I can’t get help towards Creche fees going forward either as I have to pay out of my pocket until I can claim it back but then obviously I’ll always be ££ down . Just so fed up 😭😭😭😭

Do not allow any contact and block him and don't respond to messages on his behalf or his family.
The most important people you are going along with are social services.
The courts may grant him access but it will be the same court the social service apply to have your children removed if you don't keep them safe from him.
He could well then apply for full custody to spite you and the courts will always be on his side so he doesn't use the justice4fathers card.
If he's of that nature he'll gaslight and convince the judge you are mentally unstable.
Keep this man out of your and your children's lives amd remember men work in packs like wolves so he'll have an army behind him backing up.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. You don’t need to wait for the services to call you - just look up your local domestic abuse support and call them. They will likely advise you to follow the social services guidance and delay contact if you have a fear around your child’s safety. You can wait to be taken to family court - gather your evidence as PP said.

I just don’t have any evidence 😢 we only ever talk through snap chat so everything gets deleted . He’s never like this around other people , only me . the only thing I have is my neighbour witnessing his behaviour of dragging me back in while holding my baby and me screaming . He has admitted to three things apart from the control ( which I think is ridiculous as surely dragging me back against my will is just that ?) that’s the main thing he uses to abuse me is control and has lighting . I don’t really know what will happen from court in September ? I do worry he will start stalking me and love bombing as that’s what he’s like

Sorry two things not three

Follow the advice of social services and block his family. I second the advice to contact a domestic abuse organisation for further support. I would stop contacting him on Snapchat and download a co parenting app to communicate with him as it saves messages and stops him harassing you. I would block his number. The reason I wouldn't block him entirely is because of evidence and he may warn you what he's going to do.

If he starts to stalk you, contact the police and the National Stalking Helpline.

ETA court, the DA organisation will be able to advise or you can contact Victim Support.

Ok so . I assume this was reported to the police .

My ex strangled me with baby in arms .. when Cafcass did an interview on his police record he had a caution for assault - they said it wasn’t relevant . I asked how it wasn’t relevant as Ds was in my arms .

Also if Ss are recommending no contact - get this in writing..

block him on snap chat .. tbh I would delete it completely . he will try getting through Snapchat another way .

Tbh ..Dv generally doesn’t stop contact .

Thanks all . He’s got a court ordered no contact with me so he can’t contact me anyway for now

Hello, me and my ex husband been divorced since March 2023. From July 2023 me and my ex husband were sharing 50-50 shared custody. Things were going ok ok as my son was sharing his concern from his Dad side. I always encouraged him to step forward and speak to your Dad.

from July 2024 my son been crying a lot, had few incidents where the police get involved as he threats my son that he will kill my fiancé. He emotional black mailed him that his dad is dead for him, blocked me so my child cannot talk to me.
the current situation is that my child does not want to go to his dad

He filled the emergency child arrangement form where he accused me for controlling behaviour, domestic abuse( happened in sept 2022) case was closed by the police.

Any advise on this will go? Would I be in trouble or get arrested? Would the judge give 100% custody to his dad?