Help me stop worrying

[Swingsandrounabouts872]

I'm 35 and 2 kids. Split from their dad 5 years ago. For last 3.5 years I've had a man 14 years older than me for "company" he's not the real deal. He's not someone I'll ever live with or introduce to family. He's just my company when kids are at their dad's.sonetimes I don't want him in my life anymore but we always end up again.

Last week I ended it for 4 days and forces myself to message too guys my own age who sometimes try chase me online. Within 2 days they both have cringed me out. One messaged me at 8pm tonight asking if he could come up for wine. I work from 7am and have kids he knows this but I just cringed and did not reply. I was sat in my pj's looking shattered ready for bed when he hoped to come up.

I'm back involved already with older man. Feel like I've let myself down. I keep waking up freaking out about wasting my life and not finding a long term partner.

Is what I'm doing OK or weird? Is anyone else long term single and happy in their 30s?

Why do you need a partner? It sounds like you’re settling because you don’t want to be alone. Why not spend some time being properly single, without men and get to know yourself better? Do the things you enjoy. Do whatever you want. Pamper yourself, take that course, take up a new hobby, try things you’ve never done before, take a solo trip, visit museums and the cinema on your own, hit the gym, go out with the girls without looking for guys, learn to play an instrument, etc. Develop your own sense of self and self fulfilment. Then you won’t need a man but when a worthy one you actually want comes along, you’ll be in a great place for a relationship.

I don't know I'm worried I am denying myself a goof future. But I feel so cringed out making small talk with men online I have no feelings for. Its hard with the kids and I find that I don't particularly want to meet them or encourage them.

First post nailed it again

This is so normal and ok.

If you really want to move on and eventually be with someone who makes you happy. Then genuinely take a break from all men. You don't need a new or younger man to distract you from the chap you keep going back to. It's ok to be just you.
I'd try surrounding myself with my friends and learn to be just me.