Would appreciate any thoughts on my situation.
Together with my DH for 5 years, married for 2 years. We have 1 DC. I only moved in after we got marrietd mainly because it would have been difficult to relocate with my job. We tried for a baby straight away due to our ages and the plan was always I'd stay at home (so I stopped working shortly before marrying and moving in together), and he'd cover not only the household outgoings, but my living expenses before and after kids. Initially it was working pretty okay. I had a little bit of savings that I was living off (while he took care of some larger expenses of mine I mention below). After about a year however, my savings ran out- I had spent on stuff for the house (I was frequently grocery shopping for example) and for the baby because I was never entirely comfortable asking him for what was needed. Eventually I was barely scrapping enough money together to cover my direct debits (phone bill etc). It got to the point where my request for an Uber on the app was rejected due to insufficient funds in my account. I was pregnant at the time and remember just crying at the train station.
I assumed this was a communication issue so attempted to broach this topic with my DH but we both struggle a lot with this. I feel like he isn't really understand my concerns, and he says I make him feel like he isn't fufilling his duties as a husband and father, and keeps telling me that I should just tell him of what I need when I need it and he'll take care of it. And he generally has done. I had a historic tax bill he settled early on in the marriage. He also paid for my accountant for the final tax year before I stopped working. If I need something for the baby now, I'd just ask him and he will (eventually) get it. I've not asked for anything extravagant and have resorted to cheap or 2nd hand stuff in the fear of him saying no to my requests. Neither do I ask for anything for myself (I rarely buy clothes or toiletries anymore, and don't have much of a social life here).
But the issue is that I gave up a high paid job (I was supporting my family which is the main reason I have little to show for all the years I worked), and financial security to be in a position where I cannot work due to childcare commitments, I have no savings, and no access to money. I feel very financially insecure. My marriage is also not registered legally in the UK (we just had a religious ceremony) and my DH doesn't want to register it (he accused me of wanting a civil marriage so that I can "take what isn't mine"). I'm certain if he was to purchase property (we're renting at the moment), he wouldn't add me to the property deeds. We don't have any joint accounts. I don't even know how much her earns or how much savings he has, and he isn't willing to disclose any of this with me. He just wants me to continue asking him for every little thing I need. This is while my account is always empty (I don't even get child benefit paid to my account).
For those who suggest I work- I did a few days early on in the marriage and I struggled so much to stay on top of housework (this was even before I had the baby). My DH doesn't do much to help at home which wouldn't be a problem- I agreed to be a SAHM- if I felt financially secure enough not to need to work.
Thanks for reading. Thoughts appreciated.