Sigh :( I had been hoping that I wouldn't have to reach out again to the Mumsnet community after my original DV incident took place (the support, advice and insights were incredible though).
I won't to go into too many details, but my ex-partner was arrested several months ago for physical aggression and sexual abuse (coercing me into having sex, raging if said 'no', generally being verbally abusive and manipulative, isolating me from family, etc etc. A typical abusive narcissist, in short.) It almost broke me at the time - I was signed off sick for 2 months and had to entirely uproot myself.
The case ultimately didn't go to court due to there not being enough evidence (a 'her word against mine' and vice versa sort of case). He was taken off bail conditions after 3 months, which meant that he was able to return to the house where we had lived - and also contact me again. When he first made contact, it shook me to the core, but he was civil and paid back money he owed me swiftly. I thought, 'OK, that's that - end of communication'. In hindsight I should have blocked him, but I've had scary experiences in the past with blocking actually inciting MORE aggressive behaviour from men, so I thought best to leave it.
Fast forward to now - with my life finally taking new shape, a wonderful flat and friends, holiday booked, new hobbies etc - I suddenly receive a request from him to have a 'closing conversation'. I did think on it for 24hrs, but ultimately decided not to - because it seemed as though it was more likely to go one-way i.e. opening old wounds, raging, accusations against me etc. I couldn't imagine a peaceful conversation to reach closure, nor receive any apologies from him. So I said something along the lines of 'no, that doesn't seem like a constructive idea, I have been dealing with it and moving on with my life. Kindly carry on with your own. Hope you are doing OK'.
I guess that wasn't what he wanted to hear... he then launches into a rant lasting 5 pages explaining how I am an evil person, psychotic, delusional, all sorts of other claims, how I 'lied to the police' and owed him the right to meet for this 'closing conversation', how I'd caused his family suffering, how I'd attempted to destroy his life (not true - there was no scheme, only keeping myself safe once I finally hit breaking point) and isolate him from friends (also not true - I've not sought to make any contact with his friends since the incident, especially not about the incident itself!) This goes on for almost half an hour straight, at which point he starts trying to ring me and I really start to panic...
I didn't reply to any of the messages or answer the phone, which obviously enrages him even more. At which point, he sees fit to send messages to my best friends and my own mother requesting to have a phone call - so that he could discuss 'the truth' about our separation! Clearly intending to turn them against me through slander. Thank goodness none of them accept and promptly block him, but at this point I'm terrified - and still am. Where does this end? Would he try to track down where I live, or my parents' house??
I have been in contact with the police and I'm speaking to a specialist domestic abuse department again tomorrow. So, that's one step forward - but I'm not really sure what to expect from this conversation and what the next steps would be. He didn't make any direct violent threats, just generally abusive ranty comments, so I'm not sure if it will be a 'watchful waiting' situation, or they may look into something like an injunction?
In any case, I'm just exhausted, confused, scared, all my emotions mixed up again to where I was after that first incident. I feel physically sick today, I can hardly concentrate on anything but the harassment and the original incident. His life was NOT destroyed - he wasn't even charged for anything. I just wonder if something bad has happened in his personal life and he's decided to direct his rage towards me again. I just wish he would accept that our lives have moved on, that a closing conversation would be dangerous, and then give me my peace! Just horrible :(