DP wants a baby, I don’t.

[Daneinuk22]

I’ve been with DP 3 years, I have a DD(7) from a previous relationship.

When I met DP I was very clear that I didn’t want any more children, he was ok with this. Roll forward 3 years and he’s now desperate for a child of his own, he’s a great step-dad to my DD, but this hasn’t changed my mind re not wanting anymore children.

I obviously don’t want to deprive him the chance of having his own biological child, so when he brings up the baby topic I tell him that I love him very much and although I’d be upset to lose him, I’d understand if he wants to separate so he can move on with someone who would give him a baby.

So far he hasn’t left, but he keeps bringing the baby topic up or saying things like ‘that guy is doing ok in life, he has a baby’. I feel like it’s on him to leave me, I’m happy and content in the relationship, why would I end it?!.. any recommendations of how to handle the situation / conversations.

Also, this isn’t a ‘should I have another baby’ post, my mind is made up on that, as it was before I met DP.

@DysonSphere

She can't continue the status quo herself, he can leave at any time.

I do think she should end it because the issue will be likely to split them up eventually, I'd rather end it and move on rather than wait for him to split up with me years later if the longing became even stronger.

But I don't agree with infantilizing him or the idea that she should be the one to set him free, if he chooses to stay and sacrifices having a child then that is his own choice. Some people faced with his choice will choose to stay with their partner, they wouldn't want their partner to choose to leave them for their sake. They make their own decisions.

Unkind

Either he makes his peace with or he doesn't, that is up to him. He's clearly hoping you'll change your mind ( or he'll wear you down) You've been clear it's not going to happen.
Even if he does choose to stay for now, the relationship probably won't survive. A baby sounds like a deal breaker for him.
You have been very fair and honest, not much more you can do.

Hi OP, this relationship is unlikely to last. I think you already know that. You have ben clear from the beginning about not wanting another child. I believe you have handled the situation fairly. Whatever will be will be. Your partner has to make the ultimate decision whether to remain in the relationship. Neither of you are in the wrong

First off no more jig-a-jig until you have got reliable contraception sorted, and personally I'd insist on him wearing a johnny as well. And be prepared to terminate if all else fails. But by the time I even think about all that it gets so grim that the obvious answer is that this relationship has totally hit the buffers. You need to split up. Really.

Thank you for all the responses.

Some interesting responses, particularly the ones that think I’m selfish for not ending the relationship.

The next time he brings up the baby conversation, I’ll ask for a sit down and serious conversation to make it clear that my mind isn’t going to change and that I don’t want him to stay with me and then end up resenting me for not having a baby with him.

Because we’re both happy in the relationship on a day to day basis (I guess he must have some inner unhappiness seeing as he wants a baby so much), it’s difficult for either of us to walk away from the relationship.