My head is a mess

[singlemum81]

I am hoping you lovely ladies can help...

5 weeks ago I finally plucked up the courage to call the police on my ex due to Domestic Violence. He was arrested and was released on Police Bail with conditions to not attend the address and no direct/indirect contact. I provided a statement to police in relation to his violence. Two weeks later, I provided another statement in relation to the 4 years of hell.

I am remain in the jointly owned property with my two children. They are not his children. He has paid the mortgage this month and I usually transfer him a huge chunk of wages - this month I have not transferred a penny. He earns double my wages. I can't help feeling very guilty and a CF for living in this house he is paying for.

I have engaged with a DA agency and have an IDVA.

I am waiting for the Police to make a decision about how the investigation/case will proceed. He will have Bad Character against him due to a history of DV to his ex.

I am not entitled to legal aid and I made an appointment with a solicitor for a fixed fee. That's all i can afford for now. I want to sell the house, take my share of the equity and disappear. I can't sell the house atm as I need his permission. I can't buy him out as I can't afford the mortgage.

I also can't rent due to a low income. At the same time I can't apply for housing benefits as I am a joint home owner. I am stuck here waiting and waiting.

If the house sells, I take my equity and start over in a rental until the money runs out - I guess I then apply for housing benefit?

I feel like I'm going mad

Where do I begin?

Hi @singlemum81 i’m sorry to hear what you are going through. Well done for reporting him. You may want to look into shared ownership homes depending on how much equity you receive. Lots of information here https://www.gov.uk/shared-ownership-scheme or your local council housing advice team may be able to advise you on your options.

I’m sorry OP that all sounds really tough.

If your current arrangement was he pays mortgage and you transfer then I’d be very wary of not transferring him that money OP because (I assume you’re not married as you haven’t mentioned divorce) if he’s the one who can afford to pay for the house then he can argue to be the one who gets to stay until it sells- or at a minimum he can argue that as you are staying there you should be paying your half + his half as occupational rent. You’ll be much worse off if you have to leave before it is sold as you won’t have the equity at that point to get things kicked off renting. I’d continue financially as you were before at least until the house sells to ensure you aren’t the one out on your ear.

When the house sells you can use that equity to rent, the problem you may face with UC etc is that depending on how much you get in equity it could disqualify you until your savings get below the set amount

Thank you both

The week before his arrest I transferred to him £1000. I pay some of the house bills and this left me with about £400 for the month. He also has all of our joint savings in his bank account. My car broke down about a week after his arrest and I had to take out a bank loan to pay for it.

I think I'll speak to the council and ask what my options as I feel like a sitting duck waiting for a charging decision from the police. If they NFA him tomorrow he will be back in a flash and put us in fear of further violence

If you haven’t already OP get in touch with Womens Aid, they can provide advice and help to you x