Partner has moved out worried about effect on my daughter (his SD)

[motheroreily]

My partner moved out. We've been together 7 years, lived together for 3 and have an 8 month old baby.

I'm devastated as it was unexpected. I asked if he wanted to try counselling. But he said no his mind was made up. I can't sleep and keep getting panic attacks.

I have another daughter who's 12. She is also devastated. I'm not crying around her. But I'm so worried about the effect on her. This will be the second break up she's lived through. I divorced her dad when she was 3.

She never cries but broke down when I told her. I'm so scared this will mess her up. Weirdly I'm less worried about the baby. He'll never remember his mum and dad being together

i think now you just need to focus squarely on your children and you.

Avoid any kind of romantic relationship until both children well in to teens.

Yes it might be very difficult for her now and what she’s endured
but make it up to her by making that best 6 years as solid, safe and lacking in drama as possible

Give her plenty of time and space to talk and keep busy over the summer doing girls things. She has her mum and you’ll be enough for her, she just needs to see that.

Two of your relationships broke down when you had young children.
Maybe it's time to put some focus into yourself and your children instead of partners.

It will have an effect and it will be hard. However, you are the stable influence in her life and she needs to know that you are there for her and won't leave. She will feel like she's been abandoned and may act out. She needs you to be her Mum and support. It's good you said you're trying not to show what it's like for you in front of her. Too many parents turn to their children and treat them as a sounding board. This emotional manipulation really damages children. Have you got some support in real life as you'll need it. Hope you're ok. Must be so tough.

Of course it will have an effect on her.
You can't erase meaningful people from your life without hurting a little. That wouldn't be right either. The tears and the pain are part of the healing process.

Don't be too focussed on making her feel happy. She needs time to process and she needs to be allowed to feel sad.
Children are incredibly resilient. As long as she feels that she can lean on you, she'll be fine. It just takes time.

This makes it sound as if the OP has been neglecting her dc in the pursuit of a man. Nowhere has she said she made her partners the priority, and from her OP it is clear she is most worried about her dd.

Awww she'll be grieving the end of your relationship and hers with DP too.
Plenty of girl time is needed, give her the opportunity to ask questions, at 12 you could probably have an adult-ish conversation.
Explain these things happen, partners can fall out of love or want to move on, even though it's painful, you will all get through it and come out the other side, explain it's ok for her to be upset and she's old enough to know that you're upset.
Spend some quality time together and encourage her to express her feelings.
She'll get through it and I sincerely hope you do too, having been there I know how devastating it is ❤️

Does she see her dad?

This in spades.

I definitely won't be looking for another relationship.

I am focusing on my two children.

I've had a nice summer with my daughter and she seems more settled now. He has said he will still see her if she wants.

I found out he cheated. Although that's sad it explains why he left out the blue. And how he switched so quickly.

What a ridiculous conclusion to come to on v limited information that the OP should cross her legs for 15 years? How does that either help the OP now or even relate at all to her post?

Of course he cheated! What is wrong with men, you just had his baby. Hope you and your kids are doing OK, you're right - concentrate on you and the children. All the best to you and your family.

Thank you. It makes more sense now.

He left out of blue saying there was no spark and he couldn't see a future. But he loved me, our life and our family.

I couldn't work out what so bad he had to leave. But now he's told me the truth I have the full story.

I just wish he told me when he left.