In love with two people at the same time?

[ConfusionAndCoffee]

I'm aware I'll get some hate but I have no really close friends or family I trust enough with this and just need to get this out.
I have a partner, we are not married, we have a 2yo DS together. Together for five years. I wouldn't say out relationship is bad although it definitely has it's ups and downs. I feel like the hired help most of the time, and just feel quite lonely, DP very much makes most of the decisions in our house, financial mostly. I just feel very neglected emotionally and also sexually. He doesn't show much interest for intimacy anymore. He is very selfish in that sense he will be pleasures by me but won't reciprocated. We've had countless conversations about it over the last year or so but he doesn't really have any answers other than too tired etc. I do love him dearly but I'm just not happy anymore.

I have a male friend who I've grown quite close to, we have been friends for around two years and in that time have begun to form a bond, confiding in each other. Long story short we have started a physical affair. Each time we vow it's a once off and we both don't want to destroy our families but we keep going back to each other. We've talked about how compatible we are and how we wish things were different, how if we had met earlier on, how maybe one day we will be together. He is very much in the same situation as me, very unhappy and his partner is actually quite abusive towards him, he has a disabled child who is a full time carer for and she has been known to do horrible spiteful things when she doesn't get her way (I know this for a fast first hand as I also know her, bad I know)

I have genuinely feelings for this man and I know I shouldn't be doing it but it's really hard to keep away from him. He makes me smile so much, he compliments me, he understands me, and he listens to me and comforts me. He makes me feel safe. I feel like I may be falling in love with this man and I believe he feels the same way.

I love my partner and I can't imagine my life without him but I'm also developing these other feelings and I'm so confused and I feel deeply ashamed by what I'm doing but I don't want to lose either of these men from my life. I suppose I just need some perspective. A bit of me thinks is this just lust, is it because I'm getting the intimacy and emotional support that I've been craving and dont get from my partner? I know this cannot be excused but my heads a mess.

Why pleasure you husband?
How did it become to being what it is like between you.
No wonder you found a man to talk to and have a sexual relationship with.
What do your partners expect when it is unhealthy.
How some married people treat each other.
Humans will wander given the enviroment you are in.

I'm not too sure to be honest. My partner ways had a high sex drive and it was always on his terms and he likes what he likes. He has always been. Bit of a very selfish lover when it comes to sex. But then it became like he was no longer I treated in my needs and just his own

Your current partner doesn't really sound like the man for you, unless you are able to sort out the issues relating to the absence of an emotional or intimate connection. You had a child with him, but are not married- was the conception deliberate? I mean, did you actually make a decision to stay together, or is it all less defined than that?
The AI reply talks about an extramarital affair, but it isn't if you aren't married.
The new guy, well, I'm always suspicious where " he compliments me" is at the top of the list . That's just sweet talk, it doesn't mean anything.
You say he has a disabled child for whom he is the main carer- how does that work? How does he even have time for an affair? How would the care be managed if he were to split from his current partner?
That is a major hurdle, and cold as it sounds, for that reason alone I think you should back off.

Inspireme2
Humans will wander given the enviroment you are in.“

Decent humans will leave the person they’re unhappy with first.

My son was not planned and I do feel and have voiced on several occasions I do not feel we would still be together had we it had our DS.
He is the main carer for his DS but he does go to a special school and special activities away with specialist services etc. We've basically been sneaking round at every opportunity. Which I know sounds bad. His current partner, they are not married and she is not the childs mother. But has her own child from a previous relationship.

I think you have naturally been drawn to the AP due to everything that is lacking at home.

And in a perfect world this would never of happened.

So some of the relationship at home work and the ones you gain from your affair partner do , you understand that what you are doing is wrong obviously.

Maybe cool it with them both have a break , concentrate on you and obviously your child.

You don't need a man to validate your being, you do need love in your life , but you have chosen the wrong type of love and you need to work on that alone.

People will get hurt in this situation and you do sound regrettable.

So do the right thing.

Work on you amd choose more carefully next time.
I was tired last night and made mistakes in my format so yes I did use the cg lol sorry.

Innocent partner who abuses him…?

@ConfusionAndCoffee your current partner sounds awful, possibly financially abusive and selfish in bed and round the house by the sounds of it. Get rid of him and give yourself some time and space to think about what you would really like for yourself and your son, whether that involves a new relationship or not. You have a child to think about first and foremost, and he should be brought up in a healthier environment than the one he is currently in x

And FWIW I don’t think you sound selfish, greedy etc. Just beaten down and looking for love xx go easy on yourself, everyone makes mistakes, especially when emotionally compromised xx

You don’t love someone if you can risk hurting them and jeopardising your future.

You and your affair partner need to leave your spouses, or leave each other alone.

You have moved on. Physically, emotionally, mentally, romantically and sexually. Respect yourself enough to admit the truth and leave your previous partner. You won't come back from this and it won't magically fix itself just because you feel guilty.

Leave him and show both yourself and him respect moving forwards.

I think your relationship with your partner is over. You know it deep down. If you told this new man your relationship with your partner is over, how would he react? I don't think you can carry on as you are and if you did give up your new man I don't think you'd be content anymore without sex. Nor should you have to be. You could give your partner an ultimatum, he either makes more effort with pleasuring you or it's over and you separate.

The first guy is an abusive prick. You are better off having noone than him.

Update? Are you still at it or decided to call time.

The thing is, all the really positive things he is doing for you - listening, making you smile, (fucking you) he once did for his wife. He may still be doing these things. He’s making the time to do them for you bc you are an escape for him and his home life. I’d it wasn’t you then someone else who could offer a diversion and a different body to have sex with other than his wife’s. Looking after a disabled child can be soul-destroying, physically, mentally and emotionally. Presumably his wife doesn’t have a similar avenue of temporary escape.

I hope she does.