Husband and I have been having a rough time. I won't go into detail because there are various reasons. No affairs or cheating or anything bad..Just constant disagreements and trust issues really. Thought we were working through everything but it's all gone so wrong
He has always had issues with anger and has said some awful things to me before.q
My husband stole and hid my phone. He had it for hours. He locked himself in the bathroom so I couldn't get in but I knew he had it.
Eventually he came out telling me to leave
I asked for my phone back. He threw it at the wall and smashed it infront of our children.
He was angry because he'd read all my messages to my friends where I had been talking about some of the struggles we'd been having in our relationship. Apparently this is slagging him off. But I was just having a hard time and seeking support from my friends.
He asked me to leave and I could see how angry he was so I started quietly trying to pack for me and the kids.
He kept following me, having a go at me. I didn't want to argue/anger him further and I was trying my best to diffuse it and keep it calm for the kids. I asked him to leave me but he wouldn't.
He kept going on at me so I just said something neutral to try and avoid it escalating. If I ignored him he'd go mental. If I argued he'd go mental. But if I said OK or something similar he went absolutely apeshit. I couldn't win. Each time I said it, he'd come and get in my face or threaten me. He told me if I said it one more time he'd break my neck/throw me against the wall/throw me out the house.
I took the kids outside to get away and he locked us out. I didn't want to freak them out so I tapped on the window and asked to get them milk. He argued for a bit but agreed to let me in if I'd carry on packing. Think he realised he couldn't lock us out.
The same thing carried on and he physically lifted me up and put me out the front door and locked me out. I got in round the back.
He wanted me to leave but I had no phone. My family aren't near I didn't know the way and had no sat nav or any way to contact anyone. He wouldn't lend me his phone.
He calmed down a bit and by this point the kids were tried. He wanted to talk. I just wanted to put the kids to bed so I said ill put them to bed and I'll leave in the morning.
He was then completely normal. Acts like nothings happened.
I did leave. Just said ive come for a few days to stay with family.
He's now messaging me saying he loves me/misses me ect ect.
No apology though.
I don't know why I'm posting. I know I have to leave.
He won't change will he? Can people like this change?
It isn't safe for the children. They didn't need to see that. And I felt so vulnerable.
Why do I feel guilty? Why do I love him still? Why am I worried about him and why do I care?
I'm just struggling with so many feelings and I need some help.