Hi everyone I’m in my late 50’s so is my husband. I found out by accident last week that my husband has been messaging with a woman I’m friendly with, she’s early 60’s and I would say attractive (she’s not a close friend but a friendly acquaintance I would say) who he got to know through me. They have been messaging back and forth for 5 months. I have read the messages and the main bullet points are that after she joined us at the pub a couple of times he’s messaged the next day each time to say how lovely it is when she’s there. He’s sent quite innocent pictures for example of his polished motorbikes or himself holding teabags he’s brought on her recommendation but then he’s followed that up with shame the timing is off or we could of met for a cuppa in town, he’s also offered to pop over to hers twice with some herbal thing he swears by for her sick husband to try but both times she wasn’t there so he didn’t go. The thing I’m most upset about is the secrecy on both sides as I see her every week and she had never mentioned that he texts her (me and her barely ever text by the way) and also I had told him that I find her overly flirtatious and also rates herself very highly which she does and that she told me she had messaged a friends husband to see how he was after a depression but it was about midnight when she did it and now neither the husband or wife talk to her (which is a red flag) also that sometimes she is a bit disrespectful towards me but I try to ignore it, so he knew all that but was continually texting with her. He’s told me all about it now and I’ve read all the messages but what really then offended me was when I next saw her she said hope you didn’t mind me messaging your husband about changing the locks (that was how I found out they had been messaging as she had asked him to do this so I said how come she messaged you, do you and her message and he admitted they did) anyway when she asked me if I minded I said well why would I mind as you both message each other regularly anyway, she looked astonished but I carried on and made it very clear I knew about all the messages but implied I always had, she then said well you’ve nothing to worry about with me, so I looked her straight in the eye and said do you honestly think I’d be this friendly towards you if I thought I had anything to worry about. Having done all that though and acting strong I am so hurt that my husband was doing this and trying to instigate meeting up etc and all in secret. We have been going through a rough patch but he basically said he likes her and it’s good to feel someone has an interest in him although we have been having couples counselling and been really working through stuff because it’s not just me it’s him too. I have told him that if he continues to message her it’s a deal breaker for me. 15 years together and nearly 7 married. Am I wrong to be so hurt?