@startingoveragainagain how are you doing? Have you managed to move out yet?
Exactly a year ago today I told my H that it was over. It had been a long time coming and I just had no fight left in me to try any more.
He isn't a terrible guy, not abusive, didn't cheat but he didn't make me happy and I didn't make him happy (in fact I think we made each other very unhappy) things were deteriorating I didn't like how I had begun to treat him/speak to him and arguments were more frequent making home not a nice place for the kids to be.
He is very laid back and doesn't really make decisions or put his opinion forward (part of the reason I left) so I told him exactly how I felt things would work best for me and the kids, asked what he wanted/thought. In true H style he has just gone along with what I've put in place and whilst that in its self is frustrating. Things for the last 12 months have been mainly amicable.
I knew that financially we were not in a position to sell/live separately. We would have been moving from a nice house we have both worked really hard for to two probably pretty shit rented houses and I didn't feel that was in any of our best interests. My kids were hurt enough by the separation, if I could keep their lives and standard of living pretty similar that what I thought was best.
We ended up continuing to share a room for 6 months and in that time did some cheap renovations to the house to create an extra bedroom so now we each have our own.
In the home he tends to continue to use the living room and I have a sofa and TV in the dining room so we most often don't spend our evenings together - we do occasionally if all the kids want us to watch a movie/play a game etc
The main boundaries I put in place were that we each have set days to be "responsible for the kids" similar to a custody schedual if we lived separately. Whoever day it is makes sure they have what they need for school/gets them to clubs puts dinner on the table and cleans the kitchen in the evening. Whoever cooks also makes enough for for the other parent. If home generally the other parents sits with rest of family to eat. I'm often out on an evening if it's not my " responsible day" and I'll reheat my dinner when I get in or eat it for lunch the next day. H is generally always at home - has never really socialised with family or friends much.
Who ever is the "responsible" one at tbe weekend, is in charge of making sure the house gets cleaned (other than the other parents bedroom/bathroom) the kids share the cleaning any way so it's not a huge task for one person they just have to make sure the kids do what they need to too.
Without these quite rigid boundaries the last 12 months would not have worked as well as they have. We have had a relatively nice Xmas and new year period together. Done lots of things as a family, all be it one where the parents are not in a relationship. The kids have done great and are open about talking about how things are going for them. I don't know if we are soing the right thing conti using to live this way and I'm sure when we can afford to live separately I will feel more relaxed but right now things are 1000 x better than they were 18 months ago