Help with wording a message please

[Howtobekind]

I finished a long term relationship a month ago- lovely guy but it wasn’t right and hadn’t been for some time despite effort. Both sad and I feel guilty for causing so much hurt. We had a long talk and lots of tears - he doesn’t want to let go and still loves me, and says he will contact me in a month to see if I’ve changed my mind. I made it clear I wouldn’t. Anyway, month is nearly up and I am sure it was the right thing but I am also fairly sure he is hoping I have changed my mind. How can I message him kindly to confirm this without causing unnecessary distress . I’m getting a bit anxious.

Don't contact him he may have accepted things are over. If he does get in touch just say that your feelings haven't changed and wish him all the best. Resist the urge to explain or justify yourself, be kind but firm.

Agree with the PP. Don't make contact yourself, and if he does message, just repeat that nothing has changed, it's very much over for you and you wish him well.

Dont contact him and id block him so he cant contact you

I really feel for you.
Am in the same position but 1 month behind you. Have planned to tell him tomorrow.

I am also struggling to find the words and am writing a script to help me be kind but clear.

Am tempted to ask AI to help draft it in a « kind but firm » way :) it may help you too?

In your shoes I would not agree to meet and ONLY reply if he reaches out. And I would try to keep the conversation text based if he reaches out. Kind but firm with strong boundaries.

Agree with PPs. Do not contact him.

If he messages you, then just reply "Thanks for your message. I'm sorry but my feelings have not changed and therefore I do not want to take this any further. I'd really appreciate if you did not contact me again but I wish you all the best for the future."

I wouldn't block him, that's a bit harsh. But don't message him and if he gets in touch with you, just be truthful. Say the time apart has made you more sure you're not meant to be. Don't give him false hope. Then, if he won't accept, you can block him!

Don't contact him. See if he contacts you then say you're certain in your decision and wish him well.

This is good. Polite and clear.

He hadn't contacted you and may not do. Hopefully he's moved on. If he does, then just politely say 'Ive made my decision and it's definitely right that we remain apart. I wish you all the best.' Then block.

Been in a similar boat but we arranged a meet up. In hindsight it was a bit much but a text is a bit too little. Best bet is to phone him, and just state that you're happier now, breaking up was the right thing to do etc. Speak confidently and dont hang on the line too long.

If and only if he messages you to say he wants to get back together and hopes you’ve changed your mind, I would write something back like this:

”I’m sorry but I haven’t changed my mind about ending our relationship. I don’t want to give you any false hope about a reconciliation because I’ve given it a lot of thought and decided that it is not something I want and my mind is made up. I wish you all the best”

Thanks all - so brief but definite. We work in the same building so very possible I’ll see him again - so blocking isn’t really an option and tbf, he is a nice bloke, we haven’t ended in anger so hopefully no need. @RoyalBerkshireIsHome actually AI can help a bit with wording if you get stuck on a phrase although you very definitely need to put your own personal touches as it can be quite obvious. Good luck, it’s horrible, so be kind to yourself (and him).

The fact that you work in the same building (and for the same organisation??) is quite important for posters to know in order to advise in this situation OP....

@JanglyBeads okay - huge building (s) and huge organisation so able to avoid but may bump into at some point.

@Grazianoscubanheel They've already split up. If it was the actual initial dumping, then f2f is most appropriate, but in this case text is fine and anything more might be awkward for OP if she drawn into a long convo with him and he starts pleading and trying to manipulate etc.