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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Marriage gone stale

3 replies

Dumblebeetle · 23/07/2024 00:02

Suppose I just want to get this off my chest.

I have a lovely husband - caring, kind, successful, attractive etc - and two young kids. We both work full time and life is busy.

Over the last few years we’ve let our relationship slip. We don’t make much time for us, we rarely show each other affection we hardly ever have sex (I don’t find sex with him particularly enjoyable but that’s probably a whole other story). This has never really been vocalised by either of us or addressed in any way so no idea how he’s feeling (he hates confrontation/ talking about feelings, so I’m reluctant to bring it up).

Maybe this situation is not uncommon when you have young kids but I think perhaps I do need to do something to salvage it.

What’s really got me thinking is that I have a good male friend who has been in my life for many years (longer than my husband even). There have been feelings there from both sides but timings mean we’ve never acted on them (apart from one drunken snog many many years ago). We don’t see each other very often but whenever we do these feelings resurface and there’s a lot of sexual tension. It reminds me that I don’t seem to have this with my husband. I’m not going to have an affair with this man because I don’t want to ruin my marriage and destroy my family but I do fantasise about him more than I should.

Does anyone have any advice about how to get my marriage back on track?

OP posts:
Unhappy4500 · 23/07/2024 01:58

Dumblebeetle · 23/07/2024 00:02

Suppose I just want to get this off my chest.

I have a lovely husband - caring, kind, successful, attractive etc - and two young kids. We both work full time and life is busy.

Over the last few years we’ve let our relationship slip. We don’t make much time for us, we rarely show each other affection we hardly ever have sex (I don’t find sex with him particularly enjoyable but that’s probably a whole other story). This has never really been vocalised by either of us or addressed in any way so no idea how he’s feeling (he hates confrontation/ talking about feelings, so I’m reluctant to bring it up).

Maybe this situation is not uncommon when you have young kids but I think perhaps I do need to do something to salvage it.

What’s really got me thinking is that I have a good male friend who has been in my life for many years (longer than my husband even). There have been feelings there from both sides but timings mean we’ve never acted on them (apart from one drunken snog many many years ago). We don’t see each other very often but whenever we do these feelings resurface and there’s a lot of sexual tension. It reminds me that I don’t seem to have this with my husband. I’m not going to have an affair with this man because I don’t want to ruin my marriage and destroy my family but I do fantasise about him more than I should.

Does anyone have any advice about how to get my marriage back on track?

May I pm I have been in a similar situation x

Galectable · 23/07/2024 03:30

I'd recommend counselling, it may help the two of you to interact in a whole new way. There's so much good in your relationship, it's worth the effort. He will benefit as much as you.

Isabellivi · 10/05/2025 07:36

First of all this is normal. You need to learn how to enjoy sex. Introduce your fantasies or whatever it is that’s missing. The chemistry you describe isn’t necessarily a healthy thing. Create tension and chemistry on your relationship. That may mean shaking things up, making him jealous (in a kind way, nothing like a drunken snog with the old friend) or going to a sex club. I don’t know. Even porn or tantra is better than fantasizing about another guy

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