What would you do? Another baby

[Tiredallthetime7]

What would you do in this situation?

I have a child with my partner under 1 year old. I have been feeling emotional at how quickly they are growing up recently and my partner has suggested having another (?!)

Pregnancy was really hard, I had awful morning sickness (no actual vomiting just felt dreadfully sick all day every day!), terrible anxiety and low mood and lots of pelvic pain that started early on. I also had sleeping problems too. I know pregnancy isn't a great experience for everyone anyway BUT..

I felt my partner was not supportive during my pregnancy as he would say he didn't want to hear me complaining about how unwell I felt after he'd been at work all day (which upset me at the time and I still feel a bit resentful of this now to be honest but I'm working to move on from it) and has gone as far as minimising my PGP because I wasn't bedridden with it and didn't complain about it all the time - he says I picked and chooses when I had it (?)

I was due to have a csection and with this being our first I was absolutely terrified as I'd never had surgery before. I cried to him a few days before about the pending surgery and he said he was sick of hearing me talk about it because he had his own stresses at work and didn't have capacity to take on my worries too.

I feel like I'd not have another baby with him based on this alone and said this to him but he said it's unfair to only remember the negative few things he's said in comparison to all the good he has done..

Am I just being a drama queen?

No. Your "partner" is an unsupportive arsehole and the abuse red flags are popping all over for me. Sounds to me like he wants you tied down some more so he can step up the undermining and destroying of your self-esteem.

I agree with pp.
You are not a drama queen.
He is not a loving and supportive partner.
You should listen to your own instincts and not have another baby with him.

Your “partner” doesn’t sound like a partner at all. He sounds like he’s minimising the awful way he treated you during pregnancy. Another baby will make you even more reliant on him. Don’t do it,
and decide if you are in a good relationship or not

Thanks all..

I have been thinking these things myself but I can't decide whether I'm in my head too much about it or not so it's nice to have clarity from someone outside of the relationship who can see things objectively. It's definitely a no! Thank you x

If I were you I'd use this as a spring board for a serious conversation about your marriage. Because pregnancy isn't the only reason you might want support and a partner who counters any expectation of consideration and care with claims he should be exempt because he has...gasp!..A JOB!!! Will be as much use as none at all when you need him.

He is not a loving and supportive partner so no, another baby with him is a bad idea.
Are you sure he’s not trying to tie you down to prevent you leaving? Are you on maternity leave currently?

He wasn't always like this unfortunately... He was very supportive when the relationship was just starting out and I thought he was the type of person I needed/wanted for my future but he's completely changed since we bought our house and had our child

Yes I am currently on maternity leave. I have thought this myself to be honest. It's a firm no and I was very frank when I said it's a definite no based on how he treated me alone but then it got turned on me about how I only remember the "few negatives" rather than the bigger picture

Of course, he's gaslighting you.
Please do not have another child with this man. He's not a supportive/loving partner

I wouldn't even be in a relationship with him after all that, nevermind put my body through another pregnancy. What an absolute cunt.

Surely you realise that this isn't a normal way to treat your pregnant partner and that you can do so much better than this specimen?

I have felt like that yes MonsteraMama... But I am so confused because most the time he's nice but then things like this just make me think what the hell is going on...

He's always got a justification for something he's said and I'm apparently living in another reality because he remembers things differently

Absolutely not! At a year old, you’ve not really got to the stressful bits of child rearing, toddler tantrums, endless tidying of toys, endless washing, cleaning domestic drudgery etc. Let’s see how your less than supportive DH deals with this before thinking about a second!

More abuse red flags.

Abusers aren't nasty all the time. Nobody would stay if they were. The saying you remember things wrongly, that you focus on the negative - all classic gaslighting. So is only showing the "nasty" side once you're committed - mortgage, baby.