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Partner looking at local escorts

34 replies

Anomonus · 22/07/2024 13:09

My partner and I have been together for a year now & in my head, I would assume you should still be in the honeymoon phase. For around 7ish months we have had problems in the bedroom. When we first got together his sex drive and desire for me was amazing & normal, but slowly we started having problems where we would go to bed at night & it would be perfect time to get it on, but he would reject me. At first I felt like I was the problem and that he had started to find me unattractive, not doing it for him. Which I was confused about because I’m very much actively trying to be sexy for him. But with bringing this up to him and communicating how I was feeling, we discussed that it’s normal for men to not be in the mood every single time & that he was tired at night. We then came to the conclusion that it was because he was more of a morning person rather at night, but as time went on, it was clear that he had a significant low sex drive all of a sudden. This would fluctuate- getting better and then get worse again. It’s not like he had absolutely no sexual desire but he stopped doing little things like spontaneously grabbing me in the middle of the day or giving me sex eyes randomly like he used to. He sort of just became very sexless with everything and when it actually came to sex, it was me initiating it & almost forcing him into it. We would have arguments about it because I was getting fed up & he tried to understand but he couldn’t come up with an answer himself, he told me that he’s still very much attracted to me and finds me sexy but I always say actions speak louder than words. After our chats, it felt very forced from his end & he was trying his best but it wasn’t natural. All of this was confusing and after time I kind of just accepted it, that the sexual person I knew right at the beginning of our relationship was not who I was going to be with. We don’t live together so it was hard to gauge where we were at, as we would go for long periods of time not seeing each other to then spending consecutive weeks together. Anyway, 5 months ago during a holiday, I was using his WhatsApp and accidentally came across a chat with this girl. With reading the messages I discovered that a few days before our trip he had invited an ‘escort’ round to his home. They had only exchanged a few messages including descriptive words he had sent to her, telling her the things he wanted to do to her. The next few messages were about arranging a meet up & the last message was “I’m outside”. As soon as I saw this I froze and he came back into the room, I couldn’t speak or look at him. I confronted him with difficulty & he consoled me laying everything out on the table. He said he was trying to figure out what was going on with him sexually and he stupidly invited her over but upon arrival, she was only in the house for no more than 10 minutes as he chickened out and realised that what he was doing was wrong. He promised me that nothing happened, the messages he sent to her was him being “a lad” and egging it on. He sort of accepted that I was done and that night he slept on the floor. I couldn’t forgive him for the rest of the trip and I kept asking him questions and he was being transparent with me. I truly believe that what he said happened, happened. I forgave him. Yesterday we were using his laptop and he left the room, I then saw on his google history that the previous night when I was in bed (unwell) and he was in the living room, that he was scrolling through a local escort site. The links on the history were - the escort profiles, their pictures & reviews. I couldn’t believe it, I then went back a few weeks and saw that this was a thing he was doing, he would be on the local escort site & then simultaneously be on pornhub. It seemed to be that he would watch porn and then go on this site vice versa. The fact he had done it the night before in the same house as me while I was in bed made me feel sick to my stomach. I confronted him and he explained that he knows what I looks like but he just uses it as a form of porn. I’ve never had an issue with him watching pornhub but this local thing is just far too close to home. The audacity he has to be going on the same site he found the escort 5 months ago which nearly broke our relationship is beyond me. The fact he never sexualises me hurts even more. But he wants to look at these random prostitute’s pictures that are only a few kilometres away from him. He never asks me for nudes, I don’t remember the last time I sent him a picture. I’m just at a lost cause with all of this now. I’m in so much pain that he’s actively sexual with himself masturbating & using local prostitutes as sexual stimulation but not with his girlfriend who is very much willing to do anything.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 22/07/2024 22:44

He is a liar and a cheat. This is not the behaviour of a good man. Save yourself a lot of hurt and rejection by getting rid of him now.

Galoop · 22/07/2024 22:45

Too long to read. Dump. Dump and run, don't look back.

H34th · 22/07/2024 22:45

I actually believe he loves you, but that man has a very unhealthy attitude to sex. It sounds like as soon as he developed feelings for you, he stopped finding you sexually attractive. For whatever reason love and sex are not connected and to be had with the same person for him.

You can't fix this. This is not normal and it's not ok in a lasting relationship.

You'll miss him, you'll feel sad, but you will get a chance of having a true life partner if you live now. He is not and never will be right.

Do not even for a sec think you can change him/ help him. You really can't.

Jengat · 22/07/2024 23:02

Did you have an abusive upbringing or something OP? No woman with any sort of healthy self-esteem would tolerate this?! It's madness that you even have to ask about it - dump him for goodness sake and move on with your life. He does not love you. He's a pervert and a weirdo and you are very much in danger of contracting a life altering infection from this grubby bastard. For the love of all that is holy DUMP him.

Justleaveitblankthen · 22/07/2024 23:11

Well, he's a bloody Liar to say he didn't go through with it.
I can guarantee 🙄

pikkumyy77 · 22/07/2024 23:17

I really feel physically sick for you—do you really think this man “loves you” and “would do anything for you?” When he demonstrates to you over and over that he actually prefers porn and escorts to you?

Your main complaint is that he “never asks you for nudes?”

Raise your standards!

Mmhmmn · 22/07/2024 23:22

It’s not meant to be this difficult or feel this humiliating. It’s a year? Dump and move on to easier, less scummy pastures.

LifeExperience · 22/07/2024 23:38

LTB. He's looking for some on the side and you're only a year in. Get rid!

Kittensat36 · 22/07/2024 23:38

He’s so loving and caring and would do anything for me, we are both in love and are planning to have a life together.

He would do anything for you.

Apart from having sex with you, that is.

Look, he's managed to have a tender, loving relationship with you in the past, so that's you reeled in and invested. He'll go from remorseful that you've caught him, to not really caring, to being utterly flagrant. And you will just hang on and hang on seeing if you can get this to work.

If you bought a washing machine and it arrived with no door, would you keep it? I mean it fills up with water and does the job, but you do have to stand by with a mop to stop it flooding the kitchen.

Send this guy to the tip.

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