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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So over this

8 replies

Changingplace · 22/07/2024 08:30

Yesterday, yet another day where a nice few drinks out turns into ‘D’H buying a bottle of vodka on the way home and sitting up drinking until 5am.

When we got home I asked him to get the dog some food because I was ironing clothes for work, he dropped it all over the floor, which was just an accident but instead of cleaning it up properly just swept it all up against the wall and left it there. It’s utterly pathetic, if I don’t clean up he’d just leave actual rubbish everywhere, he’s gross.

He wonders why I don’t want to have sex with him, but his behaviour is so unattractive, even his mates yesterday were laughing at him being so useless when we were chatting in general and he was saying about stuff he never does (just normal stuff like putting bins out/food shopping, he’s never once done that in five years).

I need to leave, no kids, I just wish the house were in a better state because it would sell for more/quicker but it’s exhausting trying to fix it up by myself when he shows no interest and doesn’t get involved.

Don’t know what I expect from this post, just need somewhere to write it down I guess.

I’ve got a good job, I’d get 50% equity from the house, probably more if I pushed because the house we sold to buy where we live now was mine before we got married, I just need to do it.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 22/07/2024 08:32

Yep, because if you don’t you’ll be moaning about the same stuff in 10 years.

Changingplace · 22/07/2024 09:40

DustyLee123 · 22/07/2024 08:32

Yep, because if you don’t you’ll be moaning about the same stuff in 10 years.

You’re right, he’s getting worse as he gets older, it’s like he thinks this stuff is funny but can’t understand how drained it leaves me.

I’m away with work for two days now so have a bit of space, I’m so bored of having the same conversation with him over and over. If it’s not drinking it’s coke, he’s 45 ffs it’s so dull.

Currently looking at houses where I could live a peace & quiet and tidiness!

OP posts:
bakail · 22/07/2024 09:49

They really do get worse OP, never better. Can't see why you'd stay with him, what's the point?

Changingplace · 22/07/2024 10:06

Another example of his procrastination- I started decorating our bedroom six months ago.

I need him to help me dismantle some old wardrobes and empty his stuff from them so I can finish it, it’s just a two person job because they’re big and heavy, every time I ask he huffs and it’s still not happened, I just want to live in a nice environment and he doesn’t care the carpets are literally coming up and falling apart, I’m done.

OP posts:
curiouslycoy · 22/07/2024 10:08

Does he work? Staying up until 5am is not normal, does he just drink or take drugs on his own to stay up so late. How often does he do this. What time does he then wake up?

Horrendous way to live. Maybe you leaving will be the wake up call he needs.

Brushing dog food against the wall is disgusting. Who would keep the dog?

VeryOldMan · 22/07/2024 10:17

I presume your relationship is past salvage, but if there is still a chance. have you sought outside assistance?
Your doctor or Alcoholics Anonymous for example?

Crushed23 · 22/07/2024 10:24

What attracted you to him in the first place? You say he hasn’t done food shopping or put the bins out once in 5 years… wasn’t that a red flag in the early days?!

Anyway, it definitely sounds like you need to leave. Get the house on the market - better to sell it in a bad state than spend time doing it up (by yourself…) and prolong the separation from your awful husband.

Getonwitit · 22/07/2024 10:25

He hasn't put the bin out in 5 years ! Have you asked yourself why you allowed yourself to become his housekeeper and how you are not going to allow this in your next relationship ? People treat us they way we tell them they can. Het rid of him and stay single until you have the ability to insist on an equal partnership.

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