I’m 24, 25 in December and I’m starting a new job soon. Things are going pretty well, I’m doing better in terms of mental health than a few years ago. The only problem is I feel quite lonely because i feel I don’t have many friends nor do I have a partner. I only really have my family who I live with at home (I’m planning on moving out next spring).
im autistic, high functioning, so this may be a reason why I don’t have many friends, I’m not sure. I had to let go and cut off a friend last month as she became quite toxic, and another friend of ours had to go with her which was quite sad as they were extremely close and I had a feeling I couldn’t be friends with one without the other.
I met up with a friend the other day, but that was like meeting an old friend and he was lovely (he’s gay) but I’m worried we’ll lose contact again as we met after a period of not talking (we never fell out, just lost contact after uni). I have another friend but she hasn’t spoken to me in 3 months and she’s only in London once a month to see her boyfriend mainly. She sometimes contacts me to see if I want to meet in London but she hasn’t recently. Then I have another friend from back at school who I sometimes talk to and who I saw March 2023, but I struggle to trust her because of some of her behaviours to me when we were teens and now just some strange feeling I have that may be paranoia, I’m not sure.
this is my situation, and I don’t have a partner, I am about as single as you can get. I have had short term relationships, but they went very wrong, with love bombing in the second one and the first one when I was 17 we both had mental health issues and both relationships just because a bit toxic. I ended them both. One guy broke up with me after I stopped talking to him for a few hours because he didnt message me all day (this was in 2021) and I feel bad for that. Then I dated another guy in 2019 but I broke up with him as I didn’t trust him because I saw what like a picture of a girl on his phone in a notification.
thats my story! Do you think im the problem? I’m not a bully and i try my best to me a good person, im a bit scrupulous in fact. I did have an issue when I was younger at 17 when a girl got excluded from the friendship group I was on the outskirts of and she said I was bullying her, but I’ve just put that down to school stuff and trying to forget about it. Other than that, I’m not a mean person. I have been told I’m a good friend and a good listener, and I always comfort my friends if they need it. I’m always willing to listen. I can have mood swings and be a bit presumptuous, I can be paranoid, and am very sensitive, as described by my family. I can easily take things the wrong way. I have considered if I have BPD (or eupd) but I think I just have autism.
is there something wrong with me? Am I the problem or is this normal for some women? I think I know how to make friends so I won’t ask how to make friends, as to be honest I’m not sure if I really want to make more friends as I’m struggling to trust people at the moment. Is this normal or does this say something bad about me? Is anyone else like this?
thank you