Does your partner organise trips and dates?

[PurpleFuschia4]

As the title asks, does your partner ever organise trips out for the family or holidays, or dates for the two of you?

My DH doesn't and I don't know if I'm expecting too much or if it's "normal"? It's making me feel depressed and resentful. Especially as he still seems to be involved in organising monthly meetings with friends for a hobby he does.

We don't go on dates, despite ages ago (in 2022 i think) agreeing to do something monthly, unless I organise everything - when we go, where we go, what time, childcare... We've been on 3 dates in the last 2 years.

I organise all the holidays - research where to go, when to go, book it all. I even organised his annual leave so we get time off together because if I don't suggest dates for him to have off, he will simply book the majority of December off. He never initiates and asks me when I'm thinking of booking time off so he can align. I always plan my annual leave around the school holidays so we don't have to rely too much on childcare, he never does this and I end up feeling like I'm the sole parent.

He doesn't make an effort to suggest days out for the family or plan anything for us.

Is anyone else's partner the same? It's really getting me down as it feels like he just doesn't want to spend time with me or our family.

Well we don't go on 'dates' we just sort of do stuff when one of us thinks to do it so it not as we organise a specific event really one of says 'how about on Saturday we go to name a place' and we go

Thanks for your replies. It seems it's quite common. How depressing!

Yes, I've said before to him, many times, that I feel like all the pressure is on me to book nice things and have said what about our monthly date... but nothing changes.

He is also very organised in his work life and, as mentioned previously, manages to organise things for himself, separate to us/our family so it does seem like weaponised incompetence - especially as the few times he's suggested we do something, after I've prompted, it's always something we can't actually do (think driving somewhere that's 3 hours away and it's gone 12pm on a Sunday). I despair 😫

I'd just like him to put some effort into creating experiences for us, so I can be the one on the receiving end for once. It doesnt have to be something big, even something as small as suggesting going to a park with the kids for a picnic. I don't want to have to constantly think and carry the mental load of it, but I know if I don't we just won't do anything. I find myself grappling with it more and more each month as I resent the imbalance but guess I have to block it out and focus on the wonderful memories I'm creating for my family.

DH is really good at organising stuff.
We're currently on holiday with another family and we go away with them a few times a year. I'd say the men in our group do most of the organising and planning.

DH is really good at organising date nights and family days out.

I know quite a few couples where the women do ALL the planning for dates and family trip yet their husbands are capable of organising large scale football/rugby/pool trips 🙄

Oh @PurpleFuschia4 I could've written this word for word!! I love my partner to bits and he is wonderful in so many ways but THIS!! Even your line about "even going for a picnic in the park", I have literally said these exact words! I sat down and had a discussion with him about it and explained about how I feel like I'm responsible for creating memories for us all and the mental load is on me to do nice things otherwise it wouldn't happen, and I want to feel like he prioritises our time together and takes some responsibility too because it feels like it's not important to him when it's always me planning. He saw how important it was to me and has stepped up since, he even planned a lovely picnic and day out in the park last weekend despite him suffering with hay fever, we went and bought all the food together and it was lovely. Such a little thing but meant the world to me! I don't know about you but I always tend to take the lead and railroad my plans and he always enthusiastically joins in with everything I want to do, weekends away, holidays, days out etc he's always fully on board so he always just thought I enjoy doing the planning, organising etc (he would always say things like "I know how you like to project manage"!) and it took a proper sit down chat to explain how I actually felt, I don't think he realised that it had got the point where I felt like I was doing it out of obligation and not just enjoyment. I hope you get the same outcome if you're able to speak to him, I know how important it can be to have your partner do these things as well!

My partner will tend to do the research and suggest holiday destinations/date venues then I’ll do the booking. He’s more creative and spontaneous whereas I’m an i dotter and t crosser so it works for us

Yes. He's extremely organised and put me to shame.

He organises all our travel, all our dates, all our luggage.

I love it so much, he's a star 🌟

Yes, my DH organises every detail of all our holidays and trips. Most of our days out too. He's just much more into it than I am. I do all the domestic chores though! I work part time and he has a very full on job.

Mine will organise the holidays cos he doesn't trust me to do it properly, but 9 times out of 10 the holiday will be my idea. But he doesn't put any mental effort into planning days out. He just doesn't care, though he will jump at the chance to do one particular thing (can't say cos it's outing) on his own. That seems to be the only thing that motivates him. He has no interest in the beautiful area we live in, socialising with anyone (unless I organise it) or really anything at all beyond his immediate work. It really gets me down, especially as my first husband was the same.

I think it is common, just as men so often seem to leave arranging any social event to their wives, even with the man's own family. I think in a lot of men's heads they see it as wife work, along with pretty much everything else.

Exactly the same here. Though if he just let me get on with it all that would actually be fine but he "wants" to organise stuff and then doesn't. We are going away this weekend (his idea, friends and hobby - I said yes sounds good) and he hasn't booked the accommodation and seemed irritated when I asked exactly what dates it was and what the plan was. I have been trying to leave him the space to step up and actually organise stuff but he doesn't - I think he assumes I will organise anything I really want to do but I have explicitly told him that I can't organise his hobby related trips and that I am tired of all the organising and so me not organising something doesn't mean I don't want to do it and if I have said yes to something then he should arrange it. He has though booked us tickets for an event in a couple of weekends time but this thread has made me realise that it probably hasn't occurred to him that we will need a babysitter or he has just assumed I will organise it despite him not having given me any details of the timings of said event. Utterly infuriating

Mine is the same. He suggests, I book.
Sometimes I'll say I want to go to the particular beach soon, he will look up tide times and say which is the best day for us. Or if I mention an area has x event on, he will see if we need tickets, I'll make the purchase but he has found out the info.

We share a love of music, he will find out if they are playing and where and transport and hotels, I'll book.

If however it's for him, he books, hes not totally useless. He seems equally interested in things to do.

My DH does a lot of the organising. He'll plan a circular walk for example with a few pub stops along the way and also be on Google maps during the walk so we go the right way. He does most of the driving too. I spend ages looking at holidays online & choose one but it'll be him that actually books it, books car parking, gets Euros etc, prints off boarding passes and logs on to book seats etc. Abroad he'll work our which bus to catch to various places plus pay driver/buy tickets etc. In the home I tend to organise more things. I'll choose sofas or trek round the shops looking at new dining chairs etc. I'll be in charge of all the building work we've ever had done on our house in last 20 years - new kitchen, bathroom, loft conversion & garden room etc. Not sure he even met the builders much on any of these jobs and wasn't bothered about choosing tiles/worktops /shower heads etc etc. We both have our strengths. He'll drive for hours to uk holiday etc and I'll be asleep next to him. If it bothers you OP then you need to talk to him about it.

23 years married and he never organises a thing it's always me and I like it that way

My husband would be fine with us never leaving the house. I’m not far behind him, but we have a child so we can’t just hide at home.

If we go on a holiday or any kind of outing, I have to instigate and plan. He will do whatever I say, pay for things, do any required driving, tote luggage, etc. he is an effective servant, but he won’t be in charge because he doesn’t see the point.

No...my partner organised loads of stuff. Talk to your partner about how you feel.

Ha ha. I've talked to my partner about this frequently, for years. Made absolutely no difference whatsoever.

Mine never organised anything at all, we only did anything if I organised it all.
sadly one of the reasons we are divorcing.

Realised one day I want a partner not passenger.