Separating when you have DC: what do you need to know ?

[slowsplitfrompartner]

Posting for a dear friend who isn't a MNer who has a joint mortgage with her partner. They have a 3 yo DD
They are basically no longer together. He is not helping with any of the childcare really (refers to it as "babysitting" 😳🤔😬🙈)
What should she do to make the transition best for her and her Dd in terms of co parenting?

i don’t get these posting for a friend threads

signing up to mumsnet is not exactly onerous

It's more that she doesn't even understand the extreme wisdom that can come from MN.

I am a long time MNer so see its value greatly, wanted to send her a thread of what she needs to know

So she’s unlikely to follow guidance from a thread if she refuses to join of her own accord and is skeptical about it

Hi @courgettes4eva I do completely get where you're coming from
She isn't sceptical, she just wouldn't naturally think to look for info from MN and I absolutely do (having been here since it was green fields etc etc and have had some literally life changing advice from people I do r know)

I just wanted her to get some advice that wasn't just the top of Google,

you get advice
and then you give to her as a friend without mentioning mumsnet

as for what to do, she needs to sort living arrangements first and foremost as it does not sound like current arrangement is in her child or her interests. And that likely
means selling up

Oh my god @courgettes4eva calm down. What does it matter?!

I don't have any advice but got riled up reading these shitty responses! Hope someone more helpful comes along soon OP.

it sounds like you need to calm down?

i have given advice

you just chose to get in a tizz

Thanks anyway

Have a plan for what is to happen - I.e. he buys her out, she buys him out or they sell and split the equity. Would assume 50/50 split initially.

Then, they need to work out what sort of rota they need. Do they want 50/50 custody, or will she have DD more than that, say 90/10 or 80/20. If 50/50 then no maintenance but if she has more then that needs to be worked out.

If they can talk between themselves it will save loads of money in long run.

Can you explain more about the maintenance ? Thanks